We live in a time where everything can change at an fast rate. There is no etiquette that exists for times like this. There is no wisdom upon which to rely or a set course to follow. If ever there was a time when we should be more patient, it would be now! We’ve never been here before, and we can’t expect to get it right the first time.
Sadly, too many of us do the exact opposite. We hold ourselves to an unrealistic standard, beat ourselves up for not doing everything well enough. We criticize ourselves for falling behind, and expect ourselves to not feel natural, human emotions.
Patience is that natural power we have within ourselves - to wait for something without getting angry or upset. However, the longer we wait, the more impatient we become.
In an ever-changing world, it’s not a surprise that our patience is tested. In our changing world today, we could all use a little more patience – with ourselves, our world around us, and with others.
Tips to be more patient:
Learning to stay patient with ourselves and others is one of the hardest skills to master in life. And, we need it now more than ever. Use the tips below to engender patience:
1. Focus on progress, not perfection
Think for a moment how you would talk to a child when learning something new. You would likely offer this child encouragement and support while passing off mistakes and errors because this is how kids learn and grow. So, why would you speak to yourself any differently?
You wouldn’t blame a child if they didn’t get it right the first time or get frustrated along the way. Even as adults, we never outgrow the need for gentle, supportive guidance. Try focusing on the progress you make and what you learn rather than beating yourself up for not doing it right or aren’t far enough along.
2. Practice
Like anything else, learning patience with ourselves takes practice. Research shows that waiting makes us happier in the long run. Give yourself the opportunity of time to earn your reward and resist the urge for immediate gratification. For example, try the following:
Allow someone to go in front of you in line at the post office
Really listen to someone's opinion without interrupting them and before you respond
Watch half of a movie one night, and the other half the next night
Wait a few moments to begin eating when you sit down for a meal
As you practice, you will begin to gain more patience, and may even realize that you feel calmer, can come to agreements more quickly, and feel happier overall.
3. Reduce stress
Patience becomes more difficult when you have a lot on your plate and a lot on your mind. When you are over-scheduled or preoccupied with worries, you have the reduced capability required for patience. To remedy this, examine the things in your life that cause your stress. Try to find solutions to these problems and ask for help when you need it. Look at where you spend your time and see what you can cut out to allow more time to focus on the things that are important to you.
There is no substitute for good old-fashioned self-care to reduce stress. Try three deep abdominal breaths three times a day and it will lower your levels of stress hormones in your bloodstream. Other relaxation techniques include imagery, guided meditation, body scan, or mindfulness practice. Of course, you also reduce stress if you get enough sleep, allow for physical activity in your day, and eat healthy (especially avoiding too many sweets and alcohol.)
4. Stop multitasking
We are more impatience when we juggle too many things at once. We all do it, we jump from one task to another without finishing the first. This practice proves ineffective time and time again. Worse, it causes a great deal of frustration because you do not do any one of these things well. By focusing on one thing at a time you will feel calmer and accomplish a great deal more.
Bonus tip: Before you go to bed, write down 3 things on a post-it note that you want to do the next day. Make these tasks a priority by tackling them first and resist the urge to get distracted by other things. Research in organizational settings demonstrated that this strategy significantly increased productivity in the workplace.
5. Say kind things to yourself
Changing your self-talk provides the most helpful practice you can do to develop the patience that resides within you. Learning to change your self-talk takes time, so try to be patient with yourself as you learn to be more patient with others.
Patience with ourselves and others requires mindful acknowledgment of our humanness and that none of us are perfect. Patience means practicing self-acceptance and focusing on progress rather than on perfection. It means giving yourself compassion rather than withholding it. It means speaking to yourself with more kindness and empathy such as:
“I
know this is hard. I know you’re struggling,
but I believe in
you. You can get through this.”
Change isn’t easy. Quick fixes reside mostly in theory, and lasting change takes time. We will experience challenges, and we may even go backwards at times. Long-term success includes small steps in the direction of your goal. With calm perseverance and loving kindness, you will achieve whatever you’ve set out to do.
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