“You’re either self-appreciating or self-depreciating. There is no middle.”― Lana M. H. Wilder
What is Self-Appreciation?
- Self-appreciation is the process of appreciating yourself.
- Appreciating yourself is about being grateful for yourself.
- Self-Appreciation is not self-esteem, it’s not about feeling special but accepting our uniqueness instead.
- Self appreciation is saying thank you to ourselves, for all the things that we usually compliment others.
- Self appreciation, means we appreciate ourselves not because we’re better than others, but because all people possess goodness.
- Self Appreciation is about consciously acknowledging the positive within us, without the need to compare ourselves to others.
- Self-appreciation can change our life by transforming negative beliefs of ourselves into positive and nurturing beliefs.
I believe looking within is the first step whenever I find myself at a crossroads of decision-making. I, as well as many of us, ask ourselves, “I am doing the right thing?” or “Am I capable of doing this thing or not?”
Sometimes it’s more difficult to see what’s right about ourselves than what’s wrong. For some of us even thinking about our positive traits makes us uncomfortable. Praise and compliments make us squirm, and we have no idea how to respond without feeling self-conscious. Flattery feels a lot better than insults, but how many of us really take the praise in? Own it. Feel it. Delight in it. For many reasons, it’s often more difficult for us to feel positively about ourselves. Much of this stems from fear. One fear involves setting up high expectations of ourselves and others. Minimizing our positive traits means that we’re more likely to pleasantly surprise others by doing well rather than disappoint them by doing poorly. If we’re in the habit of putting ourselves down, recognition of our positive qualities will feel foreign to us. Another fear is the perception of being vain.
So how do we celebrate our admirable qualities in a healthy way? I believe the answer is self-compassion, which involves treating ourselves with kindness, a sense of common humanity, and mindfulness when considering our perceived inadequacies — though in a different guise. I like to call it “self-appreciation.” When we can enjoy what’s good about ourselves, acknowledging that all people have strengths as well as weaknesses, we allow ourselves to revel in our goodness without evoking feelings of arrogance or overconfidence.
We need to consider kindness as it applies to self-appreciation. Would you take your friends’ good qualities for granted without ever acknowledging them or letting your friends know what you like about them? Probably not, yet many of us do so to ourselves.
It’s a great gift of self-kindness to appreciate ourselves and to demonstrate our approval with sincere praise. We don’t have to speak this praise aloud, making ourselves and others uncomfortable in the process. But we can quietly give ourselves the inner acknowledgment we deserve.
The sense of common humanity inherent to self-appreciation means that we appreciate ourselves not because we’re better than others, but because all people have goodness in them. To appreciate others’ goodness while ignoring our own creates a false division between us and them. It creates a sense of "better than" or "less than".
Celebrating our achievements is no more self-centered than having compassion for our failings. We can’t really claim personal responsibility for our gifts and talents. They were born from our genetics, the love and nurturing of our parents, the generosity of friends, the guidance of teachers, and the wisdom of our collective culture. Appreciation for our good qualities, then, is really an expression of gratitude for all who have shaped us as individuals. Self-appreciation humbly honors those who have helped us become the person we are today.
Self-appreciation also involves mindfulness. Just as we need to notice others’ good qualities in order to appreciate them, we need to consciously acknowledge our own positive features. However, we’re often so focused on our mistakes and flaws that we don’t even see when we get things right. Try meditating and focusing on your positive qualities and traits.
What do you notice most when you get a work evaluation, the nine points of praise or the one point of criticism? Some may be concerned that if we focus too much on what’s right about ourselves we’ll ignore much needed areas of growth. If we take a lopsided view of ourselves — “I am perfect and have no weaknesses whatsoever” — this would be a problem. But the truth is that every human being has both positive and negative traits. Rather than running with an exaggerated story-line about either - good or bad - we need to honor and accept ourselves as we authentically are. No better and no worse. The key is having balance and perspective so that we can see ourselves without distortion.
William James wrote, “the deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” We can meet this essential need without depending on other people to approve of us. When we treat ourselves with the same kindness with which we treat our good friends, we’ll have the support and care required to help us thrive.
Here’s some ways we can can show ourselves some self-appreciation:
- Look back and reflect on where you’ve been in your life.
One of the easiest ways to show self-appreciation is practicing reflection. Reflecting gives you the ability to learn new skills by looking at how far you have come. Looking back on where you came from can give you a sense of strength in truly understanding where you can go, providing optimism for the future.
- Put time into your physical health.
This doesn’t mean going on a diet or starting an extreme exercise routine. It means making sure your body is fueled by food that makes you feel good and that you get regular physical exercise. Evidence has shown that when you take care of your body and put time into your physical health, you can have a greater sense of appreciation for who you are and all that your body can do
- Put time and energy into what you value.
Connecting with something greater than ourselves and finding meaning in what you value can really help you appreciate ourselves by allowing you to have a greater connection and meaning. Finding what you value can be a task. To do this, list 5 people who you look up to or that are role models for you. Think about why those people are important to you and the values they stand for. This can help you realize some of the values you embody as well.
- Evaluate the way you talk to yourself.
We all have self-talk and sometimes that self talk can be our worst enemy. One thing you can do is identify the negative cycles of self-talk. Try to identify when you start having more negative self dialogue. When those cycles are identified, you can start turning them around. When you start to doubt yourself over something you are about to do or have done, allow yourself to turn the fear and doubt into an opportunity, and instead make it positive.
Make a gratitude list of your talents and assets.
Often times we leave ourselves off our gratitude list, but it is important to make sure you show self-appreciation. By recognizing and reflecting on where you’ve been and where you can go, putting time into your physical health, figuring out what it is that you truly value, and lastly evaluating the way you talk to ourselves, you can show ourselves the same gratitude you would show others.
Most of us have the habit of beating ourselves up all the time. We criticize ourselves for not getting things right, we are rushing, pursuing and doing all day and all night. And yet there is a nagging voice in the back of our head saying you are not good enough, you are not worthy, you can’t make it. Self-appreciation is the key to release self-criticism and low self-esteem. Self-appreciation is the loving light that will gently uplift your authentic self.
Here are 7 ways self-appreciation can help you improve your life:
1. Improved Self-esteem
2. Increased Self-forgiveness
3. Increased Self-understanding
4. Increased Self-worth
5. Mindfulness and Body Awareness
6. Less procrastination
7. Self-Growth
Being appreciative of ourselves is as simple as using kind words on ourselves.
Change how you speak to yourself.
Think of the language you would use when you are being appreciative of someone else.
By practicing self appreciation you experience the opportunity to become closer in recognizing our own inner values, and as a way to heal our spiritual and emotional well being.
Dyanne
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