Self Love and Creativity

My apologies for not posting the past 2 weeks. 

On May 10, the day started like any other day. I got ready for work, packed my lunch and got in the car with my husband. Our morning routine is that he drives to his place of employment, I drop him off, then begin my 1.5 hour trip to work. 

May 10 was no different, until... 10 minutes into our drive, my fingers on my left hand starting jerking and twitching. It was so bad that I had to put down my phone. Then it began to happen with my left leg. I felt very sleepy, lethargic, and tired. My limbs felt heavy. I knew something was off. I tried to tell my husband that something was wrong. But my words came out slurred and very forced. My tongue felt thick. I kept closing my eyes, thinking 'I just need some sleep'. My husband sounded worried. He said he was taking my to the emergency room. I closed my eyes. He patted me and said, "Dyanne, are you still with me?" I could hear panic in his voice. I nodded my head. We got to the nearest emergency room quickly. I couldn't make my legs work to get out of the car. Shortly after, I was admitted to the hospital for a TIA/mini-stroke. I was released 2 days later, with "no residual effects." 

Last week, I spent the week recuperating and resting. Self-care. Self-love. And creativity. 

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Expressing your creativity means to be in love with life. You can be creative only if you love life enough that you want to enhance its beauty, you want to bring a little more music to it, a little more poetry to it, a little more dance to it.” ~ Osho

Recently, I was reading a study on self-esteem, funded by The Dove Self-Esteem Project, found that 85% of women and 79% of girls have opted out of an activity they normally love because they were insecure about the way they looked. Similarly, 7 out of 10 girls admitted to letting their opinions go unheard due to low self-esteem. 

As if these numbers weren’t scary enough, the boom in social media presence has only worsened these statistics. An evaluation done by the American Psychological Association’s Journal of Abnormal Psychology showed a 52% increase in depressive thoughts among individuals aged 12-17 and a 63% increase among those aged18-25. These severe increases relate with the increasing presence of social media, which has gone from an optional hobby to an required activity. Comparison and false representation are at an all-time high, causing low self-esteem to rise by margins unlike any other decade. 

Creativity is all about uniqueness. It is about recognizing the beauty in being origin – the beauty in flaws. Self-love needs be treated the same way. If each person saw themselves as a work of art, they would be able to recognize that their “flaws” are anything but. Think of every mark on your being as a flick of a paintbrush for emphasis or a dash of color to attract the eye. Soon, you will see the beauty in your uniqueness. The intimidating effects of comparison would also be lessened. As it would be silly to compare a Picasso to a Van Gough, it is ridiculous to compare yourself to another. Art is about perception. So choose to see yourself as beautiful.

It should be noted that this is not a one-way relationship. Not only can creativity allow you to improve your self-esteem, but self-love can help you unleash your inner creativity. All the statistics on how self-hatred can hurt performance were not for nothing, they show the negative effects that low self-esteem can have on creativity.

We all have a creative goddess inside us waiting to be unleashed. Ask yourself what is your creative talent, what makes you come alive?

Creativity can only occur when we are in harmony. Self love, belief, and worth are all connected. One tool that has always helped me is writing in a journal. Whatever keeps you grounded, please to keep at it. The way you love yourself speaks volume to the universe. The more you love and approve of yourself it creates an openness to receive.  Life works in ease when you are at peace.

Learning to love yourself is essential to cultivating who you are, your confidence and your creative expression. With a little self-reflection, a lot of soul searching and a conscious connection to spirituality and purpose, you can create a life of self-love. Just remember to be patient, be consistent and be open to the flow.

Self love is not just about speaking kindly to ourselves or walking in our purpose either. Self love can be applied to other disciplines as well such as creative expression, dance, and the arts. The more we become aware of who we are, everything we do can become an act of self love and an expression of our creative spirit.

Imagine this... you envision a piece of choreography because of a recent song you heard, or movie, or experience that has happened to you. You begin to connect your spirit with your imagination with your body movement. You allow the music to flow through you as you dance to the tune of your own beat - arms waving, feet gliding, hair twirling.

In this space, you embrace your natural imagination and intuition, which helps to build your confidence and creative expression. Another self-love practice at its finest!

Self-love isn’t always an easy thing, but it can be learned and cultivated with time, the desire to do better for yourself, patience and consistency. Start small - a simple smile in the mirror in the mornings, then expand as you're ready.

Make self-care a priority and be consistent. Go with the flow of life, be open to the signs, pursue your dreams and check in with yourself regularly. Choose things that make you happy and connect with others who share a similar vibe.

Self love and Our Inner Child

We all have inner parts of ourselves. These inner parts of ourselves create our personality. We have many aspects of our personality coming from these parts of ourselves that powerfully influence every aspect of our lives. An example of these internal parts is when we say to ourselves or others, “part of me really doesn’t want to do that right now” and “another part of me does.” We might also make comments like, “part of me is frustrated with that” or “part of me doesn’t like that.” 

Having multiple parts of ourselves does not necessarily mean that we have a multiple personality disorder, but a healthy personality. These parts of us have unique sets of memories. When we have difficulties as adults, it is sometimes because our inner child part of ourselves is holding on to painful memories and experiences from childhood. These parts of ourselves need to be seen, understood, and  helped to heal in order to allow us as adults to live a more full life and to feel self-love.

Here are a few ways that we can heal our inner child and increase self love.

1. Notice your inner child parts and bring curiosity towards them. You can start this process by being aware of times when younger parts of yourself have been activated. They can be activated when you feel young, childlike or even small. This can happen during times of stress such as being in an argument with someone, or in times of joy when you feel playful or creative.
2. Take a moment and sense where you feel this younger part of yourself in or around your body. You may notice a feeling, thought, sensation, physical pain, voice, etc. See if you can be open to letting this part of yourself show itself to you and letting yourself feel it.
3. Try and learn more about this part of you. Inquire into that part of yourself. Ask what is its job in you and for you? Ask what it’s afraid would happen if it did not do its job? Ask it if it has a memory of when and why it was developed? Ask it if there is a trauma memory or a “bad memory” it wants to share with you? Ask it if there are any “good” memories it wants to share with you?
4. When in touch with the child part of self, ask how old he/she is? The answer may come in a number, a picture, a feeling or a memory of you in your childhood. Also you can ask this part how old it thinks you are.  
5. Thank your child part of self for all it has done for you! Show this internal part of yourself appreciation for sharing itself with you. Appreciate this part for helping you or protecting you in the ways that it did, even if you are no longer in need of the same protection now as you did when you were a child.

Please seek professional help if inner child work is too painful for you or it brings up painful emotions and memories.

Processing the trauma from our childhood allows us to embrace and heal ourselves from the past. The process of exploring and appreciating child parts of ourselves helps us to grow, heal from past hurts and to more fully accept all of parts of ourselves. Appreciating these parts with the understanding that all parts of ourselves (even the painful ones) all have good intentions and at some point helped us to get through or make sense of something that we experienced in life. Making time regularly to connect to these parts builds resiliency, greater internal awareness and increases self-love.

Your inner child is tender and emotional. It is the innocent part of ourselves – all about feelings and our essential needs.

Our outer self is responsible for self-defeating behaviors, self-sabotage. The outer self responds to the inner child and will be overprotective by acting out.

Our outer self responds to emotional or psychological neglect of the inner child. We may experience a deep-seated belief that we are broken. We may experience fear of abandonment and loss of love, feeling Insecure, and low-self esteem. A loss of self may occur in an attempt to gain approval from others. A fear of setting boundaries or saying “no” is also a response to emotional or psychological neglect or abuse of the inner child. Seeking instant-gratification through substances, shopping, outside distractions, and procrastination.

When our inner and outer selves are integrated and a healthy dialogue has formed between inner-child and adult self we are connected to body sensations and emotions.

We learn to:

•  identify and clearly communicate emotions. 

• Able to identify needs and make requests without anger or over-reaction.

• Remains true to self even in conflict.

• Self-honoring and being able to set boundaries.

• Gives space to inner-child to have big feelings without shutting them down.

• Practice self-love and self-care.

 Ways to connect with your inner child:

• Do a body-scan – tune into your physical sensations. Connecting to your inner child means that we go inward, rather than seeking distraction in times of emotional intensity.

• Close your eyes and visualize the “child you”, and begin a dialogue. Ask questions like “what are you feeling, what do you need right now?” Draw a picture, paint, or make art that reflects your inner-child.

• Write a love and forgiveness letter to your inner-child.

• Use mantras like “you’re safe”, and “I am here to take care of you”.

• Practice setting boundaries and building healthy routines.

• Practice self-care and take care of yourself as if you are your own parent.

• Take time to feel your feelings, and then take action when you are calm, grounded and stable.

• Journal for Self-Forgiveness and Acceptance

1. Something I am judging/blaming/shaming myself over is:

2. I want to forgive myself so that I can feel: 

3. When I made those choices in the past, I was coming from a place of (fill in the emotional experience you were having – fear, anxiety, insecurity) ___________.

4. I now know that I was doing the best I could with the tools I had, and I see that my inner child was in desperate need of ___________. Fill in the blank (safety, love, validation, reassurance, empathy, nurturance.)

5. As an adult, I am going to help nurture that need in my inner child by:

Choose up to 5 things you can do to meet that your inner child's need:

• Appreciate myself for 5 things each day

• Do a 5-10 minute meditation daily”

• Cook myself a healthy meal

• Take a walk in nature

• Setting up a coffee date with a friend who I can trust with my heart

• Take a bath and listen to gentle music

• Have tea and journal

• Go to bed earlier

• Drink more water

• Take care of my priorities

• Honor my commitments

• Only commit to things that feel aligned for me

• Say no and set boundaries

• If I were a loving parent speaking to an innocent child who was feeling guilty for what they had done, I would tell them

• I deserve that same forgiveness too, and I am proud of myself for:

• 3 things that I acknowledge myself for today are:

• My self-loving affirmation for today/tonight is going to be:

• I am unconditionally lovable.
• I am perfect just as I am.
• I’m allowed to make mistakes.
• My feelings are valid.
• My experiences are valid.
• I’m doing a beautiful job with my healing work.
• I am worthy of love and forgiveness.
• I am whole and complete.
• I am safe.
• I am whole.
• I am worthy.
• (Make your own)

The heart of a child within you can never age if it is healed properly.

"So much of the healing of our world begins in healing the inner child who rarely, if ever, got to come out and play."

- Vince Gowmon.

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