Self Love and Creativity

My apologies for not posting the past 2 weeks. 

On May 10, the day started like any other day. I got ready for work, packed my lunch and got in the car with my husband. Our morning routine is that he drives to his place of employment, I drop him off, then begin my 1.5 hour trip to work. 

May 10 was no different, until... 10 minutes into our drive, my fingers on my left hand starting jerking and twitching. It was so bad that I had to put down my phone. Then it began to happen with my left leg. I felt very sleepy, lethargic, and tired. My limbs felt heavy. I knew something was off. I tried to tell my husband that something was wrong. But my words came out slurred and very forced. My tongue felt thick. I kept closing my eyes, thinking 'I just need some sleep'. My husband sounded worried. He said he was taking my to the emergency room. I closed my eyes. He patted me and said, "Dyanne, are you still with me?" I could hear panic in his voice. I nodded my head. We got to the nearest emergency room quickly. I couldn't make my legs work to get out of the car. Shortly after, I was admitted to the hospital for a TIA/mini-stroke. I was released 2 days later, with "no residual effects." 

Last week, I spent the week recuperating and resting. Self-care. Self-love. And creativity. 

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Expressing your creativity means to be in love with life. You can be creative only if you love life enough that you want to enhance its beauty, you want to bring a little more music to it, a little more poetry to it, a little more dance to it.” ~ Osho

Recently, I was reading a study on self-esteem, funded by The Dove Self-Esteem Project, found that 85% of women and 79% of girls have opted out of an activity they normally love because they were insecure about the way they looked. Similarly, 7 out of 10 girls admitted to letting their opinions go unheard due to low self-esteem. 

As if these numbers weren’t scary enough, the boom in social media presence has only worsened these statistics. An evaluation done by the American Psychological Association’s Journal of Abnormal Psychology showed a 52% increase in depressive thoughts among individuals aged 12-17 and a 63% increase among those aged18-25. These severe increases relate with the increasing presence of social media, which has gone from an optional hobby to an required activity. Comparison and false representation are at an all-time high, causing low self-esteem to rise by margins unlike any other decade. 

Creativity is all about uniqueness. It is about recognizing the beauty in being origin – the beauty in flaws. Self-love needs be treated the same way. If each person saw themselves as a work of art, they would be able to recognize that their “flaws” are anything but. Think of every mark on your being as a flick of a paintbrush for emphasis or a dash of color to attract the eye. Soon, you will see the beauty in your uniqueness. The intimidating effects of comparison would also be lessened. As it would be silly to compare a Picasso to a Van Gough, it is ridiculous to compare yourself to another. Art is about perception. So choose to see yourself as beautiful.

It should be noted that this is not a one-way relationship. Not only can creativity allow you to improve your self-esteem, but self-love can help you unleash your inner creativity. All the statistics on how self-hatred can hurt performance were not for nothing, they show the negative effects that low self-esteem can have on creativity.

We all have a creative goddess inside us waiting to be unleashed. Ask yourself what is your creative talent, what makes you come alive?

Creativity can only occur when we are in harmony. Self love, belief, and worth are all connected. One tool that has always helped me is writing in a journal. Whatever keeps you grounded, please to keep at it. The way you love yourself speaks volume to the universe. The more you love and approve of yourself it creates an openness to receive.  Life works in ease when you are at peace.

Learning to love yourself is essential to cultivating who you are, your confidence and your creative expression. With a little self-reflection, a lot of soul searching and a conscious connection to spirituality and purpose, you can create a life of self-love. Just remember to be patient, be consistent and be open to the flow.

Self love is not just about speaking kindly to ourselves or walking in our purpose either. Self love can be applied to other disciplines as well such as creative expression, dance, and the arts. The more we become aware of who we are, everything we do can become an act of self love and an expression of our creative spirit.

Imagine this... you envision a piece of choreography because of a recent song you heard, or movie, or experience that has happened to you. You begin to connect your spirit with your imagination with your body movement. You allow the music to flow through you as you dance to the tune of your own beat - arms waving, feet gliding, hair twirling.

In this space, you embrace your natural imagination and intuition, which helps to build your confidence and creative expression. Another self-love practice at its finest!

Self-love isn’t always an easy thing, but it can be learned and cultivated with time, the desire to do better for yourself, patience and consistency. Start small - a simple smile in the mirror in the mornings, then expand as you're ready.

Make self-care a priority and be consistent. Go with the flow of life, be open to the signs, pursue your dreams and check in with yourself regularly. Choose things that make you happy and connect with others who share a similar vibe.

Self Love #24

Growing up in an emotionally neglectful or dysfunctional family usually leaves social-emotional deficits that follow us into adulthood. Learning to love yourself can help you heal and become the emotionally healthy adult you hope to be.

·       Are you self-critical and overly harsh with yourself?

·       Or are you too permissive with yourself – not setting limits and allowing yourself to do things that are unhealthy or unsafe?

·       Do you ignore your feelings, have trouble expressing your needs or regulating your emotions?

·       Is it hard to treat yourself with love and compassion?

If so, learning how to love yourself can help.

Loving yourself is giving your adult self what you didn’t get from your parents in childhood.

Children depend on their parents for a whole lot more than just their basic needs (food, clothing, and shelter). For example, we need our parents to teach us how to set limits for ourselves, how to identify, express, and manage our emotions, how to soothe ourselves, and how to treat ourselves with compassion.

And if we didn’t get age-appropriate discipline, unconditional love, role models for healthy relationships, or the skills to understand and manage our emotions and behaviors, we’re likely to struggle with these issues in adulthood.

Adults often think they should just naturally have these coping skills – but these are learned behaviors. In order to learn them, we need compassionate caretakers, role models, and safe opportunities to practice these life skills, and, ideally, before we’re out in the world on our own.

Sometimes adults can’t give children what they need emotionally. They can’t teach us about healthy relationships, good boundaries, self-compassion, and trusting our feelings – often because they don’t know how; no one taught them either. This is often the case in abusive families, addiction, abuse, or other forms of dysfunction.

It’s not too late to learn these skills and give yourself what your parents couldn’t. You can love yourself and fill in the gaps between what you needed and what your parents did give.

We can start loving ourselves by identifying what we need.

What didn’t you learn in childhood?

Which of your emotional needs weren’t met?

Sometimes the answers to these questions are obvious and sometimes we don’t know what we don’t know. Also, it’s common to uncover additional deficits as you begin to love yourself and learn more about emotional health and relationships.

Below are some of the coping skills/needs that are often neglected in childhood:

1.     Communication skills: The ability to express yourself clearly and effectively. The ability to resolve conflicts. Being assertive rather than passive or aggressive.

2.     Self-care: The ability to identify your needs and meet them. Feeling deserving of care and comfort and the belief that your needs matter.

3.     Awareness and acceptance of your feelings: Being able to identify a wide range of feelings and to see the value in your feelings.

4.     Emotional regulation and self-soothing: The ability to manage your emotions – to calm and comfort yourself when you’re distressed, to respond rather than overreact or underreact to emotional situations, to tolerate unpleasant emotions, and use healthy coping skills.

5.     Self-validation: Affirming your feelings and choices; reassuring yourself that your feelings matter, that you matter, and that you’ve done your best.

6.     Boundaries and healthy relationships: Seeking and creating relationships based on mutual respect and trust. Voicing your expectations and needs. Caring for others and letting others care for you. Being emotionally and physically vulnerable/intimate with safe people. Recognizing unhealthy relationships and ending them. Enjoying time alone and not needing someone else to make you happy or whole.

7.     Self-discipline or setting limits for yourself: Limiting unhealthy activities and creating healthy habits (such as going to bed on time, limiting how much you drink or play video games).

8.     Accountability: You take responsibility for your actions. You apologize and/or make amends when you’ve harmed another. You learn from your mistakes. You encourage yourself to follow through on your commitments and goals. And you do all of this with compassion and understanding for yourself, not harsh criticism or self-punishment.

9.     Self-compassion and self-love: Treating yourself with loving-kindness – especially when you’re having a hard time or made a mistake. Doing nice things for yourself. Saying kind, supportive, and uplifting things to yourself. Noticing your good qualities, progress, effort, and accomplishments and feeling proud of yourself. Generally, liking who you are and knowing you have value.

10.  Resiliency: The ability to overcome setbacks, to persist, and to believe in yourself.

11.  Frustration tolerance: The ability to accept that you don’t always get what you want and things don’t always go your way; being able to handle such experiences with grace and maturity (not throw a tantrum like a toddler).

Learn as much as you can about the areas you want to improve.

Look for role models and teachers. You can also learn a lot by observing others. Identify some people in your life who have healthy boundaries and manage their emotions well, for example. Make note of what they say and do. If you’re close to them, you can ask them for tips on how they set boundaries or soothe themselves.

Try a 12-step group. Working a 12-step program like Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, Codependents Anonymous, Adult Children, can lead to tremendous growth and insights into your feelings and choices.

See a therapist. Therapists are experts in social and emotional coping skills. They can help you see your blind spots. They provide a safe place to practice new skills. And when your therapist treats you with compassion and respect, and models acceptance, validation, and emotional regulation, it’s both a corrective experience and an example of how you can treat yourself.

Practice A LOT. Loving yourself isn’t easy for many of us!

Don’t expect perfection. Nobody manages their behavior, thoughts, and relationships perfectly.

And a few more specific suggestions:

·       Write in a journal – it was very helpful in the beginning of my journaling. I bought a journal that had prompts throughout so I didn’t feel at a loss with what to write.

·       Use a feelings chart to help identify your feelings – I kept the feelings chart on my fridge for many years. It was helpful for me and with my children as well.

·       Pay attention to your self-talk. Make a point of saying nice things to yourself.

·       Add more self-care to your routine – my big thing was and is, facials, hot bathes, manicures, pedicures, and healthy eating.

·       Give yourself a hug or a pat on the back regularly – I learned to self-soothe through rubbing my arms, massaging my feet, shoulders, neck, etc.

Most importantly, remember that you can act lovingly towards yourself and give yourself what you didn’t get in childhood.

You can lead yourself towards a more loving relationship with yourself, develop better emotional and social skills, create healthier habits, and encourage yourself through life’s ups and downs.

 

Leave me a comment and let me know if this was helpful or if you have any suggestions. 

Thank you for reading!!!

https://linktr.ee/deelitefulphotography

Dealing with Imposter Syndrome

***First - My apologies for not posting sooner. I have had a long week of auto-immune joint pain, brain fog, and headaches.***

 Today's topic is Imposter Syndrome

As a photographer, I experience Imposter Syndrome from time to time. When it happens, its usually because I begin to compare myself to other photographers. "Comparison is the thief of joy." The inner critic points out everything I am "doing wrong". This is the reason I do not follow other photographers on social media. (I do follow those that I consider educator/photographers)

What is Imposter Syndrome? 

Imposter syndrome is loosely defined as doubting your abilities and feeling like a fraud. It disproportionately affects high-achieving people, who find it difficult to accept their accomplishments. Many question whether they’re deserving of recognition and accomplishments.

It’s that nagging feeling that you don’t belong, and it affects women and minority groups disproportionately. 

Here’s how to combat it.

It shows up like this:

• You feel like a fraud. 

• You devalue your worth. 

• You undermine your own experience or expertise. 

Here are a few suggestions to combat Imposter Syndrome:

• Make a list of things you do well. Make a list of at least 10 things that show you are just as qualified as anyone else for the what you do, things you do well. 

• Say your name aloud with Affirmations. “My name is Dyanne and I’m awesome!” 

• Own your accomplishments. Women tend to rationalize away their successes by assigning them to things like “luck,” “hard work” or “help from others” rather than the innate ability or intelligence than men often cite. Own the role you played in your success by forbidding yourself from falling back on excuses. Say these words out loud: “I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished.”

• Visualize success. Visualize precisely how you’ll navigate the situation — successfully — before it happens. This is sometimes referred to as Manifesting.

• Talk to a colleague or friend. 

• Unsubscribe from doubt: 
• There are two kinds of doubt: 
• Self-doubt, which causes you to freeze up
• Idea doubt, which can motivate people to refine, test or experiment with a good idea. 
• Turn self-doubt into idea doubt - Tell yourself: "It’s not that I’m bad, it’s that the first few attempts of any idea are always not good — and I’m just not there yet."

• Decide to be confident. Literally make the choice to be confident. Raise your hand. Volunteer your expertise. 

• Remind yourself you’re good at what you do. 

REMEMBER!

Failure doesn’t make you a fraud. Even the best athletes screw up, the best lawyers lose cases, the best actors star in busts. Failing, losing and being wrong on occasion are all part of the job. Don’t let it define you. Learn from your mistakes and move forward.