The Annual Body Acceptance Body Love Photoshoot Event

In a world saturated with unrealistic beauty standards, one photographer is making waves by creating a space where authenticity takes center stage. Every year, Deeliteful Photography holds a free photoshoot titled "Body Acceptance/Body Love", inviting women to embrace their uniqueness, scars, stretch marks, and all. This event is open to all women over the age of 18. 

Here's a closer look at this empowering event.

The Basics: Wear Black, Express Yourself:
The guidelines are simple yet profound. Participants are asked to wear a solid black bikini or undergarments and bring their creativity to the forefront. Armed with black body markers, women inscribe messages on their bodies – a canvas for self-expression that spans from front to back, arms to legs. The result is a raw and honest portrayal of their journey towards self-love. The messages can be affirmations, quotes, symbols, etc. In the past, some women colored their stretch marks and scars. Participants are encouraged to plan and write down on paper the messages they want to write on their bodies - to themselves, to the world. And spell check. 

Anonymity and Consent
Understanding the sensitivity of the subject, the event offers the option to remain anonymous by covering the face. However, each participant must sign a model release, granting the photographer permission to use the photos for social media. It's a conscious choice to share stories and images that contribute to a collective narrative of self-acceptance.

Collaboration and Support Participants are encouraged to come alone, creating an intimate and personal environment. The act of writing on one's body isn't always easy, so mutual assistance is welcomed. It's a reminder that the path to self-love is often traveled hand in hand, fostering a sense of camaraderie and support among participants.

Social Media as a Platform for Change
Understanding the power of social media, Deeliteful Photography encourages participants to share their photos, provided they tag and credit the event as well as the photographer. This not only amplifies the message of self-love but also serves as a testament to the impact of authenticity in a curated online world.

Black and White Documentary Style
All images are captured in black and white, adopting a documentary style that enhances the rawness and honesty of each participant's journey. Stripping away color emphasizes the universal nature of the human experience, transcending societal norms and expectations.

The Age Factor and Commitment
To ensure a safe and respectful environment, participants must be 18 years of age.

Additionally, a commitment to the event is essential – a no-show results in ineligibility for future free photoshoot opportunities.

Empowering Through Vulnerability

The Body Acceptance/Body Love Photoshoot fosters self-love and acceptance through authentic expression on participants' bodies, encouraging messages that reflect unique stories. It creates a supportive community where individuals assist each other, fostering shared vulnerability. Offering anonymity respects privacy, and leveraging social media amplifies the impact, contributing to a broader narrative of body positivity. The black and white documentary style, along with age and commitment considerations, ensures a transformative and respectful atmosphere, emphasizing the universal nature of human experiences.

This annual Body Acceptance/Body Love Photoshoot isn't just about capturing images; it's a movement that empowers individuals to embrace vulnerability, celebrate their bodies, and rewrite their narratives.

In a society that often dictates beauty standards, events like these serve as a powerful reminder that true beauty lies in authenticity and self-acceptance.

If you would like to participate in this event, it will be held on May 18, 2024 in a remote location in Yell County, Arkansas. Please join Learning Self-Love Group on Facebook for more details. Or email me at deelitefulphotography@gmail.com.

Deeliteful Photography

Integrity and Self-Esteem

HELLO!!
It has been a busy few weeks since my last blog! At the end of June, my sister in law was diagnosed with glioblastoma (a rare and aggressive brain cancer.)  She passed away peacefully on July 12. The memorial service was 7/23/22. I photographed a wedding on 7/23/22, It was a sad and happy day of endings and beginnings. I have also been busy preparing for my daughter's baby shower. I'm the hostess. And it has to be as perfect as possible. I am making all decorations. Time passed quickly and I realized I have not posted my blog. Although it was written. 
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“With integrity you have nothing to fear, since you have nothing to hide. With integrity you do the right thing, so you will have no guilt” by Zig Ziglar.

Self-esteem and integrity go hand in hand. Integrity means we practice what we preach. Integrity means keeping our promises, honoring our commitments and treating others fairly. Integrity means we aim for moral consistency in our lives. When we behave with integrity, we increase our self-esteem.

Nathaniel Branden, author of The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, defines integrity as “the integration of ideals, convictions, standards, beliefs, and behavior. When our behavior is congruent with our professed values, when ideals and practice match up, we have integrity”.

Based on this definition, we could say that we have personal integrity when we act in accordance with our values, morals, and beliefs. If we believe we should act a certain way, but do the exact opposite, it’s likely that we will feel disharmony with ourselves. It’s a disagreeable feeling that conflicts with our self-awareness.

The ability to achieve this harmony relies on knowing your principles, values, convictions, and ideals - your personal values, not those that you were brought up with or that someone else has tried to impose on you. It does not matter what family members, friends, or colleagues tell you. Defining your personal values has to do with being honest with yourself, and is the result of internal self-exploration.

We may have been raised in an environment where the boundaries of what is right or wrong are blurred. We may not have been taught to make good judgments. But as adults with our decision-making abilities fully developed, we will soon experience the impact of our decisions and behavior. As adults we are in a better position to judge whether our value system is serving us or whether we need to change it.

One good gauge when making decisions around self-esteem would be: would your decision or actions truly hurt or enhance your level of self-esteem? Would it cause you a tinge of guilt? Would you rationalize about your behavior? We need to be aware that we always have a choice in what we decide and that the final responsibility rests with us. As a result we need to know what is within our personal power and what not.

Self-esteem marks every single decision we make, with repercussions for our health and well-being. It will determine your life in every aspect - work, social, recreation, etc. Self-esteem becomes evident in all these areas by means of an essential element -our attitude.

It’s essential to life to have healthy self-esteem. To achieve that, we need to work on all our personal areas. However, it’s vital to develop the area of personal integrity, since the more our lives are in congruent with our values, the healthier our self-esteem will be.

When we act in accordance with our convictions, our conscience is at peace and it’s easier for this tranquil mental state to affect other areas of our lives, reinforcing a healthy level of self-esteem. When our self-esteem is at a healthy level, we accept ourselves for who we are and appreciate our own worth.

Integrity guides the person who holds the door for the next person rather than pretending they don’t see them. Integrity strengthens the person who speaks up when others can’t find their voice. Integrity is what allows us to apologize with grace when we’re in the wrong. Without integrity it’s hard to figure out where we are and what we value. Our own internal sense of ourselves can get lost in the popular culture values.

“We emerge into the light not by denying our pain, but by walking through it.

― Joan Borysenko

Holding the door open for someone shifts from an acknowledgment of the other person’s humanness to telling ourselves that “I am a good person because I held the door open and didn’t ignore the other person”. But, did I see the other person’s eyes, or did I hold the door open with your back turned?

These are the bigger outward gestures of integrity. We receive a sense of satisfaction or pride or peace or something else when you share your generosity of spirit with others. This helps to build self-esteem.

But, there are times when our own personal sense of integrity becomes clouded. Sometimes we may know when we are actively deceiving yourself. Other times it may be less clear.

Many of us have experienced trauma, especially in childhood, where the effects are complicated, long-lasting and left us with the false impression of who we are because we were treated badly. This impression is often carried into adulthood.

Sometimes it might feel as though we are being swept up in a wave of uncomfortable emotions. With a perspective of integrity and looking at ourselves clearly as we are - with kindness and compassion - the likelihood of this happening is greatly reduced. It is uncomfortable to be honest with ourselves. It’s not easy to say, “Ouch! I don’t want to be that person I just was.” And yet, it is really the only way to own our hard-earned self-esteem and become more fully who we need to be.

The beauty of acknowledging personal integrity with all of the benefits of welcomed positive benefits, is that it is also a way of allowing ourselves to acknowledge our imperfections, with less and less judgment. Self-esteem built on the foundation of integrity gives us the confidence to increase our awareness of ourselves, so we can understand ourselves without judgment.

“Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”
– Carl Gustav Jung

Give yourself 5–10 minutes every day to answer these questions, 

• Are my goals, attitude and actions in alignment with my personal integrity? 

• Where are the places I need to re-adjust and step more fully into whom I’m meant to be? 

• When you become frustrated with yourself because you’re not doing what you would like to be doing or something isn’t working out the way you thought it would, you have a choice to make.

1. You can go down the road of blaming and shaming yourself which results in feeling like there’s something fundamentally wrong with you. 
2. You can go down the road of blaming others which results in getting angry and not being able to see your choices.
3. You can open yourself up to looking at the situation as multifaceted. There are many ways to look at a situation and interpret what’s happened. You might find a different reason than you thought and that can lead to thinking about problems in new ways. You can look at where you’re responsible and where you’re not and what you need to do to improve the situation.

• Option 3 gives you an opportunity to grow. It gives you the space to see a situation from multiple viewpoints and perhaps come up with a creative solution.

Integrity is difficult. The quality that results from it is worth the trouble. When we acknowledge the other person, that they are worthy of your time and attention, even in the simple gesture of holding the door, we acknowledge our own worthiness. We need to take the time to “get on the right side” of ourselves. Our relationship with ourselves is worth it and our relationship with others will grow as a result of the relationship with ourselves.

“The relationship that you’re having with another person is the same one that you’re having with yourself.”
Tracey McMillan

McMillan also states, “our relationships mirror back our deepest, most unconscious beliefs about ourselves.”

Ask yourself, “What relationship was I having with myself during my most tumultuous relationship years? What did I unconsciously believe in myself?”

When I was in my late teens/early 20's, I knew I wanted to feel a connection, but I wouldn’t let anyone close enough, although I didn’t see it that way. My perception was, ”he’s not interested in me”, 'he chose someone else over me”, “no one wants me”, and many more self-hatred thoughts. This began a long running theme in my life — “I’m not good enough.” and “I’m not worthy.”

Looking at it through McMillan’s lens, if that was the relationship I was having with myself, it’s no wonder I then attracted my next several relationships (and they all looked the same). I wasn’t a priority; I wasn't the one. All evidence confirmed my sense of self-worth.

As I look back, I view those years of my life as an abnormality — a weird time when I abandoned my values and lost all integrity. Suppose I allowed it to happen because I didn’t think I deserved better. Maybe I settled for an unacceptable situation because I wasn’t accepting of myself. Riddled with pain, guilt, and shame from those years, and those decisions, I shut down and put a wall around my heart. In hindsight, it's no surprise that my relationships then were always with someone equally as emotionally unavailable. I dove heart first into those relationships, and gave each one all that I was capable of giving. And I lost myself completely trying to make it work. One day I woke up and realized that I was attracting men who didn’t know how to love because I didn’t know how to love myself.

McMillan drops another self-reflection bomb — she said, “we unknowingly seek out what we need to heal, and that’s why we can trust our mistakes.” Trust our mistakes? That’s not a common thought. We often let our mistakes define us. I know I have.

What if our mistakes are signs pointing toward what we need to work on?

What if our mistakes are an opportunity to see and confront our relationship with ourselves?

In that regard, are they mistakes?

Or are they necessary evils?

What if our mistakes aren’t meant to define us, but instead to guide us toward our hearts?

And maybe personal integrity is seeing them for what they are — lessons, and remember, that to get it "right" so to speak, takes practice.

Each past relationship reflected the broader issues within me that I had to confront, as if each layer was a layer I had to pull back and explore, until I finally got back to the me I am meant to be.

There is an old saying that goes something like this: "People who respect themselves are people of integrity, and only people with integrity can respect themselves." Self-esteem is the partner of integrity. An individual lacking integrity has poor self-esteem. Going against and violating our moral and values slowly chips away at our self-esteem, leaving us less and less able to make healthy choices. When our integrity is defended, self-esteem is enhanced, so exercising strong moral judgment builds self-esteem.

Each time we don’t keep a promise to ourselves or behave in some way that goes against our values we fall further out of self-integrity. We tell ourselves is okay to say one thing and do another, because “I don't do it all the time.” It become routine. And while sometimes we need to cut ourselves a break, because we all make mistakes, if this self-dishonesty becomes a common occurrence in our lives it needs to be dealt with.

8 ways that you can rebuild your self-integrity and start keeping promises to yourself:

1. Identify and define your values: In order to know when you have fallen out of alignment with your values you must first identify them. Make a list of the things you value in your life, what you stand for, the things you can’t live without. Examples include – family, love, kindness, health, compassion, respect, loyalty, contribution. Now define those values. What do they mean to you and what do they look like in application?
2. Be mindful of your thoughts: Your thoughts shape your actions, so it is important to become aware of when your thoughts start to lose touch with your values, because your actions are soon to follow. This is a moment by moment process and a lifelong endeavor. When you catch yourself being Negative Nancy in your head, tell yourself, “That’s not me” and remind yourself of your values and what you stand for.
3. When you say you are going to do something, do it! No matter how small the promise, it must be kept if you are to build your self-integrity. If you don’t feel like you are capable of keeping a promise or commitment, then don’t make it. Be honest with yourself and what you are capable of. Build momentum with small victories, and then set your sights higher.
4. Commit fully and be satisfied with your effort regardless of the outcome. Sometimes the thing holding us back from keeping our promises to ourselves is the fear of failure. We fear that if we actually give our full effort and don’t succeed then we will look stupid and feel awful. However, it is much more admirable to give your full heart to something and it not work out, than give it half of your energy and then claim that you didn’t care about it anyway once you fail. Learn to commit fully and value effort over the end result and you will experience satisfaction regardless of the outcome.
5. Expect nothing in return. Align your actions with your values regardless of whether or not you are rewarded for your efforts. Most of the time the only reward you will receive is the satisfaction of knowing that you remained true to yourself and that is enough.
6. Create a schedule: what doesn't get scheduled doesn't get done. Write down all the things you need to get done or the steps to take either to build up your personal or professional skills. After writing these down, take out a calendar and schedule a time to accomplish certain actions or to work on each of the to do items on your list. Keeping in mind that what doesn't get schedules doesn't get done.
7. Have an accountability partner: If you have faltered numerous times on the promises made to yourself or even to others, it shows you are not capable to holding yourself accountable - get an accountability partner. An accountability partner will serve as a listening ear when you get overwhelmed with the task on hand and need to talk things out. An accountability partner will help keep you on track, highlight your blind spots, call you out and be your cheerleader-cheering and encouraging you all the way.
8. Celebrate every little accomplishment: At the end of each day write down all the successes you achieved that day regardless of how small or insignificant they may seem. For example, getting out of bed when the alarm goes off, submitting an assignment on time without asking for an extension, eating a piece of fruit instead of a cookie when dieting. Celebrating little successes will boost up your self-esteem and would propel you to respect the other promises made to yourself, to treat yourself with a little more respect and dignity.

Leave me a comment and let me know if you struggle with integrity. Please subscribe!

https://linktr.ee/deelitefulphotography

Self Love Means Making Yourself a Priority

 

When was the last time you told yourself that you are enough? How about the last time you did something just for you?

Loving ourselves is not always the easiest task. Many of us find it’s much easier and simpler to put our time and energy towards friends and family than it is to love ourselves.

I want place more importance on my own self love. And to show others how essential it is to invest in the relationship with themselves because we are the only people in charge of our own happiness.

Many of us fail to prioritize ourselves – we often place the needs of others before our own, which means when life gets busy, we end up compromising our own beliefs and desires. The saying “you can’t pour from an empty cup” couldn’t be more fitting. More often than not, our well-being takes a backseat as we go about our day checking off our to-do lists, prioritizing others' needs over our own.

When you fly, if you’re traveling with someone who you’re caring for, you’re instructed to put on our own oxygen mask first before helping others secure theirs. We are no good to anyone passed out on the floor, let alone ourselves.

Prioritizing ourselves means we are giving ourselves time and attention to focus on our needs, desires, goals, and wants. It also means we give ourselves the same compassion, understanding, and priority that we do to other people.

When we consider what we need in life to feel good about ourselves – whether its having a hobby, joining a team, assessing our values, etc.–we will love ourselves first. It is so important to love ourselves first. When we love ourselves we chase the things we deserve and let go of what doesn’t bring we joy.

Loving ourselves means having the self-respect to say goodbye to people bringing we down. It involves forcing ourselves to go after the things we want most in life. It means ignoring the critics because haters gonna hate but they won’t bring we down. When we love ourselves we exude confidence and only then can we really be selfless.

Sometimes these practices take time, but little habits create big changes when we do them every day. At the end of the day, remember this: to give our best, we have to feel our best. Invest in ourselves, spend time doing what we love, and be kind and compassionate when we make mistakes. we are deserving of all the love and attention in the world.

Self-care does not have to be a lavish and expensive priority. It can be as simple as turning our phone on silent to read our new book or enjoying a cup of hot tea after a long day. We deserve to allow ourselves to find something that brings us joy every day and make it a priority.

Practicing self-love isn't a “one and done” event. It takes time and consistency to cultivate a new attitude towards self-worth and growth. Allow ourselves to be present each day and proud of the small victories.  We must make ourselves a priority to give ourselves the time to be present for ourselves.

With social media, it is becoming easier and easier to compare our life to others in just a single post. It is crucial to remind ourselves daily that each person has their own specific path in life and no two paths look the same. Taking a break from social media at times can be a good practice of self-love as well.

Self-love means prioritizing surrounding ourselves with people that care about us and make us smile. As obvious as this sounds, it is easy to ignore this practice altogether. Take a moment to go through the people that are closest to us and determine if they make we smile on a daily basis. If we are finding it hard to determine if they do or not, it is time to do what is best for we and our health. If these people do not make us feel loved, supported, cared for, and make us smile, it it time to eliminate these people from our lives – EVEN if they are family.

Making ourselves a priority means focusing more on the things we love. This practice looks different for everyone. Write down a list of the top five things that make you happy. This can be hobbies, people, and/or events that bring you the most joy in a healthy, positive and worthwhile way. Once you determine your favorite people, places, events, and/or hobbies, plan out your days to participate in them. Allow yourself the time to do more things you love and you will find a more balanced and fulfilled, worthwhile, life.

Making time for ourselves is vitally important in any relationship. Without the ability to focus on ourselves, it’s easy to fall into unhealthy patterns of codependency and lose our sense of identity. Ultimately, our relationship with our own head and heart are the most crucial ones to nurture, and these will affect all other relationships in our lives, whether they be romantic, platonic or familial. Healthy boundaries, open communication and prioritizing alone time are key ingredients to a strong relationship.

This can be a tricky balance in the best of times, but since the beginning of the pandemic and many people transitioning to working from home, this has put an immense amount of added stress on romantic relationships. When living with your partner, it can be very difficult to protect your alone time when you’re both at home constantly. And even if you don’t live together, with the limited number of activities available and the lowered number of people we’re allowed to see these days, setting aside time for self-love and growth outside of your partnership has even less of a road map than it did before.

But the added challenge of creating time for ourselves in today’s climate of external strains means that it’s just as crucial, if not more so, for both our mental health and the health of our relationships to make ourselves and self care a priority. While every relationship dynamic is different, it is invaluable to prioritize ourselves when you’re in a partnership.

If we observe our daily routine, we will find that there are countless things that steal our “self-care” time and make us feel miserable. Do not let technology keep you from appreciating the beautiful gifts that life has for you. Time that is dedicated to ourselves will bring us even closer to our inner person. We can listen to music, take a walk alone, write stories, daydream or just sit quietly for a few minutes, just as long as we are just being with ourselves.

It is said, “success makes us feel great but failures bring along an eternal feeling of satisfaction when we love ourselves.” When we love being us and celebrate our love for ourselves every single moment, our inner happiness does not depend upon our success or failure, as we are always able to treat ourselves as our own best friend. We live a complete life that has a perfect balance of everything we need to be an overall developed individual.

We must not ignore our inner calling. Our inner voice guides us the best since no us knows better than us. It may be difficult to make a decision when we get stuck in life but when we follow our instincts, life gives us a way of realizing our dreams and happiness. When we listen to our own hearts, we will rarely regret our decisions, even when we face setbacks.

A little shift in our attitude towards prioritizing ourselves can actually bring us closer to success and happiness. The secret of a happy and a healthy life is loving ourselves the way we are regardless of anything else.

Here are some suggestions for becoming more of a priority in your life:

• Make time for YOU. Schedule it. Put it on your calendar. Make it a date.

• Practice self-compassion – be kind to yourself, speak kind to yourself.

• STOP feeling guilty – for saying no, for turning down invitations and for changing your mind.

• Practice saying NO – practice with a friend you trust. Say no to things you don't want to do.

• Learn to love your imperfections – accept them, embrace them. They aren't going anywhere. Make peace with them.

• It's ok to ask for help – asking for help is a sign of strength – not a sign of weakness.

• Let go of the need for control – control is an illusion. The only thing any of us have control of is ourselves.

• Embrace your emotions – emotions are what make us human, vulnerable, and alive.

• Surround yourself with encouraging, positive people – negative people are energy draining. And encouraging, positive people are energy giving.

• Start a Gratitude Journal – this has been my greatest strength. There is always something to be grateful for – write it down.

• Believe you are more than enough - At the end of the day, you are and have always been more than enough

Prioritizing yourself is more than just saying all the right words and pampering yourself, but it's knowing what you need and deserve every day. This means saying no when someone is disrespecting your boundaries or when you're getting close to being burned out.

It's taking short breaks when you're feeling drained and it's taking the time to reflect inward.

Prioritizing yourself is knowing who you are and being content with spending time with yourself because it's how you recharge your energy.

I hope this touched you as deeply as it touched me while I wrote it.  Make yourself a priority. Make time for yourself. It's okay to unplug! 

Please leave me your thoughts and comments below. I would greatly appreciate it! And don't forget to subscribe so you are notified when a new blog is posted. 

Deeliteful Photography

Loving Myself through Chronic Illness

I have had a long few years of medical symptoms since 2013. I've had odd rashes. And lots of blood tests. My hands burn and turn red. More blood work. Joint pains and fatigue. More blood work and referrals to numerous specialists – dermatologists, orthopedic doctor, and a rheumatologist. I've been diagnosed with rosacea on my face (across my cheeks), dry eye syndrome, "light sensitivity", I've been told I have Lupus, then told I didn't have Lupus. I was told I have Rheumatoid Arthritis, but its “mild. And I have been diagnosed with bursitis, osteoarthritis diabetes, and again, Lupus. I'm 58. In the past 3 years, I have developed “complex migraines” that have triggered stroke-like symptoms. These symptoms are frightening. And the migraines are awful. I also have depression and anxiety.

I have decided I need to love myself through all of my health issues.

We all need to love ourselves. Aging is something we will all do, if we are privileged. I want to do so gracefully, especially with chronic illness.

Self-Love Is: Not Spiraling in Guilt

Having a chronic illness means I will go through guilt, disappointment, and anger with myself when I'm not capable of doing something I really needed, wanted, or said I would do. I feel trapped inside a mind that wants to do a lot and a body that wants to do nothing.

Self-Love Is: Owning My Mistakes

Self-love is realizing I am human. I get foggy, forgetful, and sometimes sloppy due to fatigue or pain. Lupus brain fog is REAL!! I make mistakes — minor to very questionable ones. I get lost easily when driving. I can sit here and wallow in self-pity for my mistakes, or I can move on and learn from them.

Self-love is being kind, compassionate, and patient with myself.

Self-Love Is: Setting Boundaries

This might look like not watching too much TV, not eating too much junk food, not staying up too late, or just saying no to anything I know that will lead to me feeling worse down the road, make me feel uncomfortable, or get me in trouble.

Self-love is reminding myself that these things are a temporary coping mechanism and do not lead to feeling better in the long run.

Self-love is also letting go of toxic people and situations. This includes removing someone who is emotionally draining from my life or someone who doesn't believe I am sick. This includes saying no to plans because I know they will leave me too exhausted.

Self-Love Is: Recognizing I Still Have Value

I recently quit my “day job”. It was my consistent income. However, I drove 1.5 hours to and from work. It was a grueling drive through a mountain with lots of curves. I quit at the recommendation of my family, and my neurologist and rheumatologist. The drive was taking a toll on my body and creating more pain than it was worth. My kids and hubby feared I would have another stroke like migraine and not be able to get help. (there is 45 minutes of the drive without a cell phone signal). We all agreed I would quit my job and focus on my photography business. I struggle now with feeling like I am not contributing to my household. I feel like a burden. However, my husband is extremely supportive and reminded me that I supported him while he looked for a job – for over a year.

When I reflect on what I can still do to participate – sell my handcrafted jewelry, sell my clothing that I can or don't wear, on Mercari or Poshmark, and go out and market my photography business.

This is so much healthier than focusing on my losses. Reframing my thoughts to focus on what I CAN do instead of what I CAN'T do is healthier.

Self-Love Is: Giving My Body What It Needs to Thrive

Nourishing myself with healthy foods and exercise is part of my process for practicing self-love.

Processed, high carb, high fructose/sugar foods trigger inflammation and leave me sluggish, fatigued, in pain, and depressed. And they raise my blood sugar and I feel even worse. 

I remind myself that while such foods may be satisfying in the moment, it does not make me feel better or help my performance. That does not mean completely eliminating my trigger foods, as enjoying them in moderation is key. I have learned how to listen to the subtle and sometimes not-so-subtle signs that my body says about what it needs.

I dislike exercising. However, my husband reminds my I always feel better after I do it. I remind myself to go slow as well. I have a tendency to go “ALL IN” on anything and create burn out or too much pain quickly. I can't afford to burn out myself or create more pain. Taking it slow and doing what I'm capable of each day – "progress not progress" is my motto.

Self-Love Is: Embracing Alone Time

My life has become lonely sometimes since I've became chronically ill. Some friends have moved on with their lives or I just don’t have much in common with people I used to spend time with before my diagnoses.

I learned to reach out to those who I know are in my corner. Or are part of my support network. Especially when I feel alone. I have found virtual (zoom) support groups and have made new friends. And found new friends who also have chronic illnesses like me. When I feel alone, I’ve also also found that embracing self-care rituals help makes being alone a bit more enjoyable.

Self-Love Is: Art

There’s no one definition or way to practice self-love. The important thing is how I talk to yourself and treat myself each day. Doing so is a necessary part of living with chronic illness. Without self-love, I wouldn’t be able to practice self-care.

Self-love and self-care are an ongoing journey. It’s normal to struggle and I sometimes still do. It’s okay to not be okay, and it’s definitely okay to ask for help. Research shows that those living with depression and anxiety tend to have poorer outcomes with chronic illness, so treating my mental health is as important as treating my physical health.

But just because practicing self-love is hard doesn’t mean it’s not worth it.

Without self-care and self-love, I wouldn’t be me.

Check the facts

When feeling symptoms, especially ones like pain, fatigue, or weakness, it’s easy to “catastrophize” what I’m experiencing and assume that the pain will never end, or that I’ll never feel any better.

This is especially difficult with chronic illness because the truth is, I won’t feel completely better or have the same level of energy or lack of pain that my able-bodied friends do. Still, there’s a balance between assuming the worst and accepting reality.

In Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), there's a practice called “checking the facts”. This basically means seeing whether my view of a current situation lines up with reality. For me, this works best when I’m feeling immense anxiety or sadness around my current condition. I like to ask myself a simple question, “Is that true?”

This technique helps when my brain begins to spiral around self-pity and fear, believing I will always be alone, sitting in a chair while my friends explore.

“Is that true?” I ask myself. Usually, the answer is no.

Today might be a hard day, but not all days are this hard.

Practice Gratitude

One of the most helpful things I’ve learned to do is keep a gratitude journal for when things go right.

Within it, I note the good: my cat’s warm body against mine as I sleep, good days with minimal pain, the way the sunlight beams through my plants in the morning, my husband doing the dishes, being able to order groceries online, etc

It’s as simple as writing down the little things that make me feel good.

It’s harder to notice the good within my own body, but that helps restore balance, too.

I try to notice what my body is doing well — even if all I can come up with is that I’m breathing and continuing to move through the world.

Some days, I wake up in so much pain, I focus on what's in front of me each minute and write down that thing or situation as being something I'm grateful for.

Advocate for yourself

Upon returning home from a camping trip with my husband and some friends, I crawled into bed and began to cry. I was afraid to admit how hard it had been for me. I felt exhausted, defeated, and ashamed of my failing body.

I realized I needed to advocate for myself. Tell my husband when I've had enough. Or when I need a nap. Or ask a friend to fix a plate for me during mealtime.

Advocating is hard work, because there’s always the fear of rejection, and more than that, the fear of not deserving to speak up for what you need.

Speak up. It’s worth it. People will listen. And if they don’t, find the people who will.

Turn to body positive role models

One of my favorite ways to encourage myself on bad days is to look at body positive role models. This is especially relevant for me when I feel shame around weight gain or the way my body physically looks.

I am always on the search for people and role models that make me feel proud of whatever shape I am and whatever way my body needs to be right now.

Remember, any shape or form or weight or number still deserves love, attention, and care. There’s no version of you or your body that deems you undeserving of such things. None.

One of my favorite role models is Terri Hofford on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/terihofford/

Remember that feelings are valid

Finally, I allow myself feel. As cliché as this sounds, it’s crucial.

The day I returned from camping and let myself cry, I felt real grief. Deep, full, overwhelming grief that I lived in a world where people could become sick and not get better. That doesn’t go away. No amount of gratitude, intentional self-care, or anything else will make that different.

Part of loving my body on bad days is just accepting the knowledge that there will always be bad days and limitations. Those bad days suck and aren’t fair. Sometimes they come with sadness and grief so big I worry it will swallow me.

I let that be my truth for the moment. I allow myself to be sad or angry or grief-stricken.

Then, when the wave passes, I move on.

Good days exist too, and both me and my body will be there when they arrive.

Be Kind to Yourself!
Self-compassion means being kind to myself when I am experiencing pain, fatigue, or migraines. This is so important when living with a long-term chronic illness. Living with a chronic illness is hard so why make it even harder? We all deserve compassion and that includes ME! When I am having a high pain/fatigue day, the best thing I do for myself is have compassion for my body. My illnesses are something I have to manage every hour of every day. Self-compassion makes it so much easier. I strongly recommend you make it a daily habit! It actually helps me figure out how to deal with difficult situations. I have learned how to be kind and forgiving to myself. I choose self-compassion over self-blame and self-criticism.

If you have chronic illness please be kind to yourself.

If you have a chronic illness, please reach out to me. Let's support each other!

Leave a comment below and send me and email:

Email: Deelitefulphotography@gmail.com

Websites I found helpful while writing this blog:

• https://themighty.com/2018/02/hygiene-products-cant-shower/
• https://themighty.com/2017/08/hacks-tips-showering-chronic-illness/
• https://www.iswaswillbe.com/

Can you relate?

So relatable!

https://linktr.ee/deelitefulphotography