Self Love Means Making Yourself a Priority

 

When was the last time you told yourself that you are enough? How about the last time you did something just for you?

Loving ourselves is not always the easiest task. Many of us find it’s much easier and simpler to put our time and energy towards friends and family than it is to love ourselves.

I want place more importance on my own self love. And to show others how essential it is to invest in the relationship with themselves because we are the only people in charge of our own happiness.

Many of us fail to prioritize ourselves – we often place the needs of others before our own, which means when life gets busy, we end up compromising our own beliefs and desires. The saying “you can’t pour from an empty cup” couldn’t be more fitting. More often than not, our well-being takes a backseat as we go about our day checking off our to-do lists, prioritizing others' needs over our own.

When you fly, if you’re traveling with someone who you’re caring for, you’re instructed to put on our own oxygen mask first before helping others secure theirs. We are no good to anyone passed out on the floor, let alone ourselves.

Prioritizing ourselves means we are giving ourselves time and attention to focus on our needs, desires, goals, and wants. It also means we give ourselves the same compassion, understanding, and priority that we do to other people.

When we consider what we need in life to feel good about ourselves – whether its having a hobby, joining a team, assessing our values, etc.–we will love ourselves first. It is so important to love ourselves first. When we love ourselves we chase the things we deserve and let go of what doesn’t bring we joy.

Loving ourselves means having the self-respect to say goodbye to people bringing we down. It involves forcing ourselves to go after the things we want most in life. It means ignoring the critics because haters gonna hate but they won’t bring we down. When we love ourselves we exude confidence and only then can we really be selfless.

Sometimes these practices take time, but little habits create big changes when we do them every day. At the end of the day, remember this: to give our best, we have to feel our best. Invest in ourselves, spend time doing what we love, and be kind and compassionate when we make mistakes. we are deserving of all the love and attention in the world.

Self-care does not have to be a lavish and expensive priority. It can be as simple as turning our phone on silent to read our new book or enjoying a cup of hot tea after a long day. We deserve to allow ourselves to find something that brings us joy every day and make it a priority.

Practicing self-love isn't a “one and done” event. It takes time and consistency to cultivate a new attitude towards self-worth and growth. Allow ourselves to be present each day and proud of the small victories.  We must make ourselves a priority to give ourselves the time to be present for ourselves.

With social media, it is becoming easier and easier to compare our life to others in just a single post. It is crucial to remind ourselves daily that each person has their own specific path in life and no two paths look the same. Taking a break from social media at times can be a good practice of self-love as well.

Self-love means prioritizing surrounding ourselves with people that care about us and make us smile. As obvious as this sounds, it is easy to ignore this practice altogether. Take a moment to go through the people that are closest to us and determine if they make we smile on a daily basis. If we are finding it hard to determine if they do or not, it is time to do what is best for we and our health. If these people do not make us feel loved, supported, cared for, and make us smile, it it time to eliminate these people from our lives – EVEN if they are family.

Making ourselves a priority means focusing more on the things we love. This practice looks different for everyone. Write down a list of the top five things that make you happy. This can be hobbies, people, and/or events that bring you the most joy in a healthy, positive and worthwhile way. Once you determine your favorite people, places, events, and/or hobbies, plan out your days to participate in them. Allow yourself the time to do more things you love and you will find a more balanced and fulfilled, worthwhile, life.

Making time for ourselves is vitally important in any relationship. Without the ability to focus on ourselves, it’s easy to fall into unhealthy patterns of codependency and lose our sense of identity. Ultimately, our relationship with our own head and heart are the most crucial ones to nurture, and these will affect all other relationships in our lives, whether they be romantic, platonic or familial. Healthy boundaries, open communication and prioritizing alone time are key ingredients to a strong relationship.

This can be a tricky balance in the best of times, but since the beginning of the pandemic and many people transitioning to working from home, this has put an immense amount of added stress on romantic relationships. When living with your partner, it can be very difficult to protect your alone time when you’re both at home constantly. And even if you don’t live together, with the limited number of activities available and the lowered number of people we’re allowed to see these days, setting aside time for self-love and growth outside of your partnership has even less of a road map than it did before.

But the added challenge of creating time for ourselves in today’s climate of external strains means that it’s just as crucial, if not more so, for both our mental health and the health of our relationships to make ourselves and self care a priority. While every relationship dynamic is different, it is invaluable to prioritize ourselves when you’re in a partnership.

If we observe our daily routine, we will find that there are countless things that steal our “self-care” time and make us feel miserable. Do not let technology keep you from appreciating the beautiful gifts that life has for you. Time that is dedicated to ourselves will bring us even closer to our inner person. We can listen to music, take a walk alone, write stories, daydream or just sit quietly for a few minutes, just as long as we are just being with ourselves.

It is said, “success makes us feel great but failures bring along an eternal feeling of satisfaction when we love ourselves.” When we love being us and celebrate our love for ourselves every single moment, our inner happiness does not depend upon our success or failure, as we are always able to treat ourselves as our own best friend. We live a complete life that has a perfect balance of everything we need to be an overall developed individual.

We must not ignore our inner calling. Our inner voice guides us the best since no us knows better than us. It may be difficult to make a decision when we get stuck in life but when we follow our instincts, life gives us a way of realizing our dreams and happiness. When we listen to our own hearts, we will rarely regret our decisions, even when we face setbacks.

A little shift in our attitude towards prioritizing ourselves can actually bring us closer to success and happiness. The secret of a happy and a healthy life is loving ourselves the way we are regardless of anything else.

Here are some suggestions for becoming more of a priority in your life:

• Make time for YOU. Schedule it. Put it on your calendar. Make it a date.

• Practice self-compassion – be kind to yourself, speak kind to yourself.

• STOP feeling guilty – for saying no, for turning down invitations and for changing your mind.

• Practice saying NO – practice with a friend you trust. Say no to things you don't want to do.

• Learn to love your imperfections – accept them, embrace them. They aren't going anywhere. Make peace with them.

• It's ok to ask for help – asking for help is a sign of strength – not a sign of weakness.

• Let go of the need for control – control is an illusion. The only thing any of us have control of is ourselves.

• Embrace your emotions – emotions are what make us human, vulnerable, and alive.

• Surround yourself with encouraging, positive people – negative people are energy draining. And encouraging, positive people are energy giving.

• Start a Gratitude Journal – this has been my greatest strength. There is always something to be grateful for – write it down.

• Believe you are more than enough - At the end of the day, you are and have always been more than enough

Prioritizing yourself is more than just saying all the right words and pampering yourself, but it's knowing what you need and deserve every day. This means saying no when someone is disrespecting your boundaries or when you're getting close to being burned out.

It's taking short breaks when you're feeling drained and it's taking the time to reflect inward.

Prioritizing yourself is knowing who you are and being content with spending time with yourself because it's how you recharge your energy.

I hope this touched you as deeply as it touched me while I wrote it.  Make yourself a priority. Make time for yourself. It's okay to unplug! 

Please leave me your thoughts and comments below. I would greatly appreciate it! And don't forget to subscribe so you are notified when a new blog is posted. 

Deeliteful Photography

Loving Myself through Chronic Illness

I have had a long few years of medical symptoms since 2013. I've had odd rashes. And lots of blood tests. My hands burn and turn red. More blood work. Joint pains and fatigue. More blood work and referrals to numerous specialists – dermatologists, orthopedic doctor, and a rheumatologist. I've been diagnosed with rosacea on my face (across my cheeks), dry eye syndrome, "light sensitivity", I've been told I have Lupus, then told I didn't have Lupus. I was told I have Rheumatoid Arthritis, but its “mild. And I have been diagnosed with bursitis, osteoarthritis diabetes, and again, Lupus. I'm 58. In the past 3 years, I have developed “complex migraines” that have triggered stroke-like symptoms. These symptoms are frightening. And the migraines are awful. I also have depression and anxiety.

I have decided I need to love myself through all of my health issues.

We all need to love ourselves. Aging is something we will all do, if we are privileged. I want to do so gracefully, especially with chronic illness.

Self-Love Is: Not Spiraling in Guilt

Having a chronic illness means I will go through guilt, disappointment, and anger with myself when I'm not capable of doing something I really needed, wanted, or said I would do. I feel trapped inside a mind that wants to do a lot and a body that wants to do nothing.

Self-Love Is: Owning My Mistakes

Self-love is realizing I am human. I get foggy, forgetful, and sometimes sloppy due to fatigue or pain. Lupus brain fog is REAL!! I make mistakes — minor to very questionable ones. I get lost easily when driving. I can sit here and wallow in self-pity for my mistakes, or I can move on and learn from them.

Self-love is being kind, compassionate, and patient with myself.

Self-Love Is: Setting Boundaries

This might look like not watching too much TV, not eating too much junk food, not staying up too late, or just saying no to anything I know that will lead to me feeling worse down the road, make me feel uncomfortable, or get me in trouble.

Self-love is reminding myself that these things are a temporary coping mechanism and do not lead to feeling better in the long run.

Self-love is also letting go of toxic people and situations. This includes removing someone who is emotionally draining from my life or someone who doesn't believe I am sick. This includes saying no to plans because I know they will leave me too exhausted.

Self-Love Is: Recognizing I Still Have Value

I recently quit my “day job”. It was my consistent income. However, I drove 1.5 hours to and from work. It was a grueling drive through a mountain with lots of curves. I quit at the recommendation of my family, and my neurologist and rheumatologist. The drive was taking a toll on my body and creating more pain than it was worth. My kids and hubby feared I would have another stroke like migraine and not be able to get help. (there is 45 minutes of the drive without a cell phone signal). We all agreed I would quit my job and focus on my photography business. I struggle now with feeling like I am not contributing to my household. I feel like a burden. However, my husband is extremely supportive and reminded me that I supported him while he looked for a job – for over a year.

When I reflect on what I can still do to participate – sell my handcrafted jewelry, sell my clothing that I can or don't wear, on Mercari or Poshmark, and go out and market my photography business.

This is so much healthier than focusing on my losses. Reframing my thoughts to focus on what I CAN do instead of what I CAN'T do is healthier.

Self-Love Is: Giving My Body What It Needs to Thrive

Nourishing myself with healthy foods and exercise is part of my process for practicing self-love.

Processed, high carb, high fructose/sugar foods trigger inflammation and leave me sluggish, fatigued, in pain, and depressed. And they raise my blood sugar and I feel even worse. 

I remind myself that while such foods may be satisfying in the moment, it does not make me feel better or help my performance. That does not mean completely eliminating my trigger foods, as enjoying them in moderation is key. I have learned how to listen to the subtle and sometimes not-so-subtle signs that my body says about what it needs.

I dislike exercising. However, my husband reminds my I always feel better after I do it. I remind myself to go slow as well. I have a tendency to go “ALL IN” on anything and create burn out or too much pain quickly. I can't afford to burn out myself or create more pain. Taking it slow and doing what I'm capable of each day – "progress not progress" is my motto.

Self-Love Is: Embracing Alone Time

My life has become lonely sometimes since I've became chronically ill. Some friends have moved on with their lives or I just don’t have much in common with people I used to spend time with before my diagnoses.

I learned to reach out to those who I know are in my corner. Or are part of my support network. Especially when I feel alone. I have found virtual (zoom) support groups and have made new friends. And found new friends who also have chronic illnesses like me. When I feel alone, I’ve also also found that embracing self-care rituals help makes being alone a bit more enjoyable.

Self-Love Is: Art

There’s no one definition or way to practice self-love. The important thing is how I talk to yourself and treat myself each day. Doing so is a necessary part of living with chronic illness. Without self-love, I wouldn’t be able to practice self-care.

Self-love and self-care are an ongoing journey. It’s normal to struggle and I sometimes still do. It’s okay to not be okay, and it’s definitely okay to ask for help. Research shows that those living with depression and anxiety tend to have poorer outcomes with chronic illness, so treating my mental health is as important as treating my physical health.

But just because practicing self-love is hard doesn’t mean it’s not worth it.

Without self-care and self-love, I wouldn’t be me.

Check the facts

When feeling symptoms, especially ones like pain, fatigue, or weakness, it’s easy to “catastrophize” what I’m experiencing and assume that the pain will never end, or that I’ll never feel any better.

This is especially difficult with chronic illness because the truth is, I won’t feel completely better or have the same level of energy or lack of pain that my able-bodied friends do. Still, there’s a balance between assuming the worst and accepting reality.

In Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), there's a practice called “checking the facts”. This basically means seeing whether my view of a current situation lines up with reality. For me, this works best when I’m feeling immense anxiety or sadness around my current condition. I like to ask myself a simple question, “Is that true?”

This technique helps when my brain begins to spiral around self-pity and fear, believing I will always be alone, sitting in a chair while my friends explore.

“Is that true?” I ask myself. Usually, the answer is no.

Today might be a hard day, but not all days are this hard.

Practice Gratitude

One of the most helpful things I’ve learned to do is keep a gratitude journal for when things go right.

Within it, I note the good: my cat’s warm body against mine as I sleep, good days with minimal pain, the way the sunlight beams through my plants in the morning, my husband doing the dishes, being able to order groceries online, etc

It’s as simple as writing down the little things that make me feel good.

It’s harder to notice the good within my own body, but that helps restore balance, too.

I try to notice what my body is doing well — even if all I can come up with is that I’m breathing and continuing to move through the world.

Some days, I wake up in so much pain, I focus on what's in front of me each minute and write down that thing or situation as being something I'm grateful for.

Advocate for yourself

Upon returning home from a camping trip with my husband and some friends, I crawled into bed and began to cry. I was afraid to admit how hard it had been for me. I felt exhausted, defeated, and ashamed of my failing body.

I realized I needed to advocate for myself. Tell my husband when I've had enough. Or when I need a nap. Or ask a friend to fix a plate for me during mealtime.

Advocating is hard work, because there’s always the fear of rejection, and more than that, the fear of not deserving to speak up for what you need.

Speak up. It’s worth it. People will listen. And if they don’t, find the people who will.

Turn to body positive role models

One of my favorite ways to encourage myself on bad days is to look at body positive role models. This is especially relevant for me when I feel shame around weight gain or the way my body physically looks.

I am always on the search for people and role models that make me feel proud of whatever shape I am and whatever way my body needs to be right now.

Remember, any shape or form or weight or number still deserves love, attention, and care. There’s no version of you or your body that deems you undeserving of such things. None.

One of my favorite role models is Terri Hofford on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/terihofford/

Remember that feelings are valid

Finally, I allow myself feel. As cliché as this sounds, it’s crucial.

The day I returned from camping and let myself cry, I felt real grief. Deep, full, overwhelming grief that I lived in a world where people could become sick and not get better. That doesn’t go away. No amount of gratitude, intentional self-care, or anything else will make that different.

Part of loving my body on bad days is just accepting the knowledge that there will always be bad days and limitations. Those bad days suck and aren’t fair. Sometimes they come with sadness and grief so big I worry it will swallow me.

I let that be my truth for the moment. I allow myself to be sad or angry or grief-stricken.

Then, when the wave passes, I move on.

Good days exist too, and both me and my body will be there when they arrive.

Be Kind to Yourself!
Self-compassion means being kind to myself when I am experiencing pain, fatigue, or migraines. This is so important when living with a long-term chronic illness. Living with a chronic illness is hard so why make it even harder? We all deserve compassion and that includes ME! When I am having a high pain/fatigue day, the best thing I do for myself is have compassion for my body. My illnesses are something I have to manage every hour of every day. Self-compassion makes it so much easier. I strongly recommend you make it a daily habit! It actually helps me figure out how to deal with difficult situations. I have learned how to be kind and forgiving to myself. I choose self-compassion over self-blame and self-criticism.

If you have chronic illness please be kind to yourself.

If you have a chronic illness, please reach out to me. Let's support each other!

Leave a comment below and send me and email:

Email: Deelitefulphotography@gmail.com

Websites I found helpful while writing this blog:

• https://themighty.com/2018/02/hygiene-products-cant-shower/
• https://themighty.com/2017/08/hacks-tips-showering-chronic-illness/
• https://www.iswaswillbe.com/

Can you relate?

So relatable!

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