Self love and Our Inner Child

We all have inner parts of ourselves. These inner parts of ourselves create our personality. We have many aspects of our personality coming from these parts of ourselves that powerfully influence every aspect of our lives. An example of these internal parts is when we say to ourselves or others, “part of me really doesn’t want to do that right now” and “another part of me does.” We might also make comments like, “part of me is frustrated with that” or “part of me doesn’t like that.” 

Having multiple parts of ourselves does not necessarily mean that we have a multiple personality disorder, but a healthy personality. These parts of us have unique sets of memories. When we have difficulties as adults, it is sometimes because our inner child part of ourselves is holding on to painful memories and experiences from childhood. These parts of ourselves need to be seen, understood, and  helped to heal in order to allow us as adults to live a more full life and to feel self-love.

Here are a few ways that we can heal our inner child and increase self love.

1. Notice your inner child parts and bring curiosity towards them. You can start this process by being aware of times when younger parts of yourself have been activated. They can be activated when you feel young, childlike or even small. This can happen during times of stress such as being in an argument with someone, or in times of joy when you feel playful or creative.
2. Take a moment and sense where you feel this younger part of yourself in or around your body. You may notice a feeling, thought, sensation, physical pain, voice, etc. See if you can be open to letting this part of yourself show itself to you and letting yourself feel it.
3. Try and learn more about this part of you. Inquire into that part of yourself. Ask what is its job in you and for you? Ask what it’s afraid would happen if it did not do its job? Ask it if it has a memory of when and why it was developed? Ask it if there is a trauma memory or a “bad memory” it wants to share with you? Ask it if there are any “good” memories it wants to share with you?
4. When in touch with the child part of self, ask how old he/she is? The answer may come in a number, a picture, a feeling or a memory of you in your childhood. Also you can ask this part how old it thinks you are.  
5. Thank your child part of self for all it has done for you! Show this internal part of yourself appreciation for sharing itself with you. Appreciate this part for helping you or protecting you in the ways that it did, even if you are no longer in need of the same protection now as you did when you were a child.

Please seek professional help if inner child work is too painful for you or it brings up painful emotions and memories.

Processing the trauma from our childhood allows us to embrace and heal ourselves from the past. The process of exploring and appreciating child parts of ourselves helps us to grow, heal from past hurts and to more fully accept all of parts of ourselves. Appreciating these parts with the understanding that all parts of ourselves (even the painful ones) all have good intentions and at some point helped us to get through or make sense of something that we experienced in life. Making time regularly to connect to these parts builds resiliency, greater internal awareness and increases self-love.

Your inner child is tender and emotional. It is the innocent part of ourselves – all about feelings and our essential needs.

Our outer self is responsible for self-defeating behaviors, self-sabotage. The outer self responds to the inner child and will be overprotective by acting out.

Our outer self responds to emotional or psychological neglect of the inner child. We may experience a deep-seated belief that we are broken. We may experience fear of abandonment and loss of love, feeling Insecure, and low-self esteem. A loss of self may occur in an attempt to gain approval from others. A fear of setting boundaries or saying “no” is also a response to emotional or psychological neglect or abuse of the inner child. Seeking instant-gratification through substances, shopping, outside distractions, and procrastination.

When our inner and outer selves are integrated and a healthy dialogue has formed between inner-child and adult self we are connected to body sensations and emotions.

We learn to:

•  identify and clearly communicate emotions. 

• Able to identify needs and make requests without anger or over-reaction.

• Remains true to self even in conflict.

• Self-honoring and being able to set boundaries.

• Gives space to inner-child to have big feelings without shutting them down.

• Practice self-love and self-care.

 Ways to connect with your inner child:

• Do a body-scan – tune into your physical sensations. Connecting to your inner child means that we go inward, rather than seeking distraction in times of emotional intensity.

• Close your eyes and visualize the “child you”, and begin a dialogue. Ask questions like “what are you feeling, what do you need right now?” Draw a picture, paint, or make art that reflects your inner-child.

• Write a love and forgiveness letter to your inner-child.

• Use mantras like “you’re safe”, and “I am here to take care of you”.

• Practice setting boundaries and building healthy routines.

• Practice self-care and take care of yourself as if you are your own parent.

• Take time to feel your feelings, and then take action when you are calm, grounded and stable.

• Journal for Self-Forgiveness and Acceptance

1. Something I am judging/blaming/shaming myself over is:

2. I want to forgive myself so that I can feel: 

3. When I made those choices in the past, I was coming from a place of (fill in the emotional experience you were having – fear, anxiety, insecurity) ___________.

4. I now know that I was doing the best I could with the tools I had, and I see that my inner child was in desperate need of ___________. Fill in the blank (safety, love, validation, reassurance, empathy, nurturance.)

5. As an adult, I am going to help nurture that need in my inner child by:

Choose up to 5 things you can do to meet that your inner child's need:

• Appreciate myself for 5 things each day

• Do a 5-10 minute meditation daily”

• Cook myself a healthy meal

• Take a walk in nature

• Setting up a coffee date with a friend who I can trust with my heart

• Take a bath and listen to gentle music

• Have tea and journal

• Go to bed earlier

• Drink more water

• Take care of my priorities

• Honor my commitments

• Only commit to things that feel aligned for me

• Say no and set boundaries

• If I were a loving parent speaking to an innocent child who was feeling guilty for what they had done, I would tell them

• I deserve that same forgiveness too, and I am proud of myself for:

• 3 things that I acknowledge myself for today are:

• My self-loving affirmation for today/tonight is going to be:

• I am unconditionally lovable.
• I am perfect just as I am.
• I’m allowed to make mistakes.
• My feelings are valid.
• My experiences are valid.
• I’m doing a beautiful job with my healing work.
• I am worthy of love and forgiveness.
• I am whole and complete.
• I am safe.
• I am whole.
• I am worthy.
• (Make your own)

The heart of a child within you can never age if it is healed properly.

"So much of the healing of our world begins in healing the inner child who rarely, if ever, got to come out and play."

- Vince Gowmon.

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