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Self-forgiveness is not an easy thing because it involves recognizing uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. Some of us see self-forgiveness as a reminder that we are not perfect. And some of us see it as a way to love ourselves while accepting our flaws and defects.
It's difficult to forgive ourselves without doing what is necessary to make peace with ourselves from within. Self-forgiveness requires understanding, empathy, and thoughtfulness for ourselves. We all have the ability to forgive ourselves. It is something we must choose to practice most days/weeks/months/years.
Choosing to forgive ourselves doesn’t mean we are weak. It doesn't mean we are off the hook for our choices and actions. Self-forgiveness means we accept our actions and behaviors that occurred all the while, being willing to move in a positive direction. We can’t change what happened. Forgiving ourselves means letting go of the feelings and emotions associated with our flaws and defects. We let go of resentments and anger towards ourselves. It may be easier to forgive than to forgive ourselves.
Several things happen when we take the necessary steps to forgive ourselves. We accept responsibility for our actions and choices. We talk about our feelings of remorse, guilt, or other similar emotions that are associated with unacceptable behaviors and choices. We make amends with ourselves while repairing our self-trust. Self-forgiveness helps focus our thoughts on taking improved, positive actions in the future. When we are responsible with our actions, choices, and attitude, we show compassion for ourselves while putting our mistakes behind us. Accepting our actions limits the amount of guilt and regret.
It is normal to feel guilty when we've done something wrong. Guilt is simply a starting point to change our behavior. Feeling guilt is a healthy emotion. We can view ourselves as a good person that simply made a mistake. Shame is the emotion that makes us see ourselves as a bad person. Shame brings unwanted feelings that can lead to depression or addiction. When we acknowledge our mistakes, it doesn’t take away from our values.
Forgiving ourselves lets us move in a positive, forward direction with a new focus on our thoughts and actions. We are less likely to hate ourselves later or dwell our mistakes. We are ready to grow and be open-minded to gaining understanding about our actions. We review what we've learned about ourselves and how it can help us in the future. These actions place us in a better position to forgive ourselves in the future as well.
Understanding the act of self-forgiveness is vital to self-love and self-compassion. One of the most crucial benefits of self-forgiveness is to improve our self-image. As we learn and practice how to forgive ourselves, it reduces the risk of anxiety and depression. As we learn self-compassion, and we also naturally increase our self-esteem. And, in turn, we are more likely to maintain positive growth and reach goals.
If we don’t forgive ourselves, our mental health suffers in more ways than one. We may not realize that our mental health is suffering. If we don’t learn or practice aspects of self-forgiveness, we result to negative self-criticism and will struggle to move on from our mistakes. If we struggle to forgive others, then we will struggle with self-forgiveness.
Our mental health is essential in many areas of our life. It plays a vital role in decision-making and problem-solving. When we feel good about ourselves, we make better choices with long lasting positive effects in our lives.
Self-forgiveness is significant to our emotional health. We can practice forgiveness through a variety self-help methods, and sometimes, by working with a therapist or counselor. We never have to be ashamed of making mistakes. We ca learn healthy ways to forgive to improve our well-being and our outlook on life.
Learning and practicing forgiveness benefits our physical health. We reduce the risk of physical aspects such as pain, high blood pressure, and increased cholesterol levels. Self-forgiveness helps us stay calm and focused. We are more likely to do activities that benefit our body while coping with unwanted emotions. Relationships with others benefit from our self-forgiveness. We are more likely to establish a healthy emotional bond with others while being able to repair them when difficult situations arise.
Self-forgiveness isn’t always easy. It can be hard to accept the fact w made a mistake. Dwelling on our mistakes can lead to self-hatred. It may not be easy to forgive ourselves if we’re can't repair what we did or or make things right. It is hard to come to terms with our behavior when it doesn't align with our values or beliefs. Sometimes deep feelings of remorse and guilt can result in doing something that doesn't line up with our values.
Sometimes, we would rather obsess about the problem because we don’t want to admit to our faults. Self-forgiveness requires that we change when we acknowledge our wrong. Sometimes, we are simply not ready to do so. Acknowledging we need to change is a start, then we need to engage in appropriate action to move forward productively.
Practicing self-forgiveness encourages our minds and bodies to calm itself when facing uncomfortable emotions. If we refuse to forgive ourselves, it becomes easy to fall into a mental trap of shame, anger, depression and despair. Instead of berating ourselves about the situation, being proactive is a healthier decision. Self-forgiveness reinforces this aspect while keeping anxiety and depression at bay. Practicing self-forgiveness also helps us learn valuable lessons essential to self-improvement.
Here are a few tips to practice:
1. Spend time understanding what forgiveness means. Sometimes we are quick to overlook the concept of self-forgiveness because we assume what happened was okay. Think about when a friend hurt you unintentionally, and they apologize while asking for your forgiveness. You may have felt worried or hurt for a minute, but when they acknowledged what they did, you felt better. It was easy for you to move on and not let it bother you. The concept is similar when forgiving ourselves. We need to be honest about our feelings. We need to accept that we not perfect and we make mistakes. We can’t grow if we’re not willing to move forward purposefully. We hold ourselves accountable by being trustworthy. It makes it easier to release unwanted feelings, so they don’t affect our mental health.
2. Acknowledge your feelings and what you did. You can’t learn from a situation unless you are honest about it. Put aside any judgment and focus on the situation for what it is. What emotions are you feeling? Focus on gaining an in-depth understanding of the situation. Your feelings don’t define how you respond to the situation. Taking the time to admit your wrongs helps you see things clearly while minimizing remorse and fault. You’ll also want to admit the lesson learned and how to improve moving forward.
3. Make amends, make changes, and be compassionate. Making amends is an indication that you feel bad about the pain you caused yourself. Making changes includes doing meaningful actions that will make a difference in your future. The changes you make may reflect what you learned from the situation. You may need to change your behavior, attitude, or your perception about certain situations. It may include getting involved in a meaningful way, such as giving your time and energy to ensure things are made right. Compassion includes taking time to love yourself. Self-love is vital to helping practice self-forgiveness and self-forgiveness is vital to self-love. When you learn how to treat yourself with kindness and how to accept yourself, you give the same to others more easily.
Thee greatest impact of self-forgiveness is feeling free of shameful emotions. Self-forgiveness lifts the cloud of self-hatred, self-blame and self-loathing that we have been carrying for so long, maybe unconsciously. It is a courageous act of self-love when we forgive ourselves and prioritize our happiness and freedom, and let go of the negative energy that has been weighing us down. Forgiveness sets us free.
There
is simple, beautiful practice called Ho’oponopono (don't ask me to
pronounce it LOL). It is an ancient Hawaiian practice of forgiveness
and reconciliation.
(https://graceandlightness.com/hooponopono-hawaiian-prayer-for-forgiveness/)
Focus on forgiving yourself, look in the mirror and chant the following mantra again and again:
“I’m
sorry
Please forgive me
Thank you
I love you”
This is the same mantra to chant if you are working on others. By saying “I'm sorry” even if you didn’t do anything wrong, by saying thank you even if you don’t feel it, you are giving up your attachment to the situation. You are acknowledging the oneness that exists in us all. That there is a part of you in the person you wish to forgive. That we are all part of the same whole.
In the process, we gain the understanding of nurturing self-love through self-forgiveness.
Then we proceed to the Self-Forgiveness/Self-Love walk.
As we make our way through the walk, we focus on learning how we got our patterns, releasing them, gaining awareness, compassion and forgiveness, we are focus on learning new behaviors.
These new behaviors will become our go-to behaviors when we are faced with experiences or circumstances that, in the past, would have sent us into negative patterns. Each time we encounter an old way of doing something, we have the opportunity to forgive ourselves, and reignite the self-love that we worked so hard to reclaim.
If you haven’t done a Self-Forgiveness/Self-Love walk, please take some time to reconnect to your true spiritual self – the person you are learning to love again and who is consistently just beneath the surface.
The suggested ritual for SELF-FORGIVENESS/SELF-LOVE WALK
Find a quiet place in nature where you can walk, uninterrupted if possible.
COMMITMENT RITUAL:
Stand still and feel your integrated being — your intellect, emotional adult, spiritual self, and body. Experience the light in you.
Silently state your commitment to forgive yourself for all that you have done in your life out of negative love patterns; also state your commitment to love yourself.
Reach up your arms to the sky and look up into the limitlessness of the light.
Reach out your arms to the horizon that encompasses the whole world, and slowly turn around completely to acknowledge your connection.
Reach your hands down to touch the earth that supports and grounds you.
Stand straight and breathe into your commitment to be authentic and present.
SELF-FORGIVENESS:
Start walking slowly. As you walk, state softly to yourself each of the things in your life you have done out of patterns for which you forgive yourself. Use the phrase, “I forgive myself for…”
Continue until you have forgiven yourself for everything you can remember. Then say, “I forgive myself for everything I have done out of my patterns.”
Repeat the Commitment Ritual.
SELF-LOVE:
Start walking slowly.
Begin by saying, “I love my whole self just as I am.”
As you walk, speak softly about how you love and appreciate yourself. Speak of your whole integrated being, and of each of the four aspects of your being: body, intellect, emotional self, and spirit.
End by saying again, “I love my whole self just as I am.”
Complete your walk by repeating the Commitment Ritual.
You can choose to repeat this walk many times in your life. As humans, we are by definition imperfect, and for each of us there will always be things for which to forgive ourselves. Self-love is a nurturing companion to self-forgiveness.
For more information on the Self-Forgiveness Walk: https://www.hoffmaninstitute.org/nurturing-self-love/
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