Self-Love Masterclass #19

 Gratitude! 

I have been told for much of my life to "be grateful for what you have." My favorite saying, "You can't be hateful and grateful at the same time." and "Gratitude makes what we have, enough." 

BUT.... did you know gratitude changes our brain chemistry?

Scientists conducted a study in 2008 to measure the brain activity of people thinking and feeling gratitude. What they found was "that gratitude causes synchronized activation in multiple brain regions, and lights up parts of the brain’s reward pathways and the hypothalamus. Gratitude can boost serotonin and activate dopamine." Dopamine is our brain's pleasure chemical. The more we think positive, grateful thoughts, the healthier and happier we feel. 

(Zahn, R., Moll, J., Paiva, M., Garrido, G., Krueger, F., Huey, E. D., & Grafman, J. (2009). The neural basis of human social values: evidence from functional MRI. Cerebral cortex (New York, N.Y. : 1991), 19(2), 276–283. https://doi.org/10.1093/cercor/bhn080)

Thanks to the flexibility or plasticity of the brain, positive thinking can become a way of life. When your brain is flushed with positive thoughts, you can expect to improve every area of your life, including your relationships, health, performance at school, reaching your dreams and goals, and more.

Reprogramming the brain for a more positive outlook takes practice. Here are some ways to practice gratitude that will help increase confidence:

1. Write daily in a gratitude journal.
2. Listen daily to positive affirmations.
3. Practice meditation and stillness.
4. Give gratitude to others. (i.e. "I am grateful for your help.")

Gratitude improves our relationships. Showing appreciation can help us gain friends. Being thankful for our friends, spouse, family, and co-workers makes them more likely to keep an ongoing relationship. So,  thank a stranger for holding the door or send a thank-you note to that coworker who helped you with a project, acknowledging other people’s contributions can lead to new opportunities. Say thank you to your partner when he/she does something you appreciate. Chances are they will do it more often. 

Gratitude improves our physical health. Did you know that grateful people experience fewer aches and pains and report feeling healthier than other people? And, unsurprisingly, grateful people are more likely to take care of their health. They exercise more often and are more likely to attend regular check-ups, which is likely to contribute to further longevity. And when we feel better physically, it has a positive impact on our mental and emotional health. 

Gratitude improves mental health. Gratitude reduces a multitude of toxic emotions, from envy and resentment to frustration and regret. Gratitude increases happiness and reduces depression. Higher levels of gratitude are also associated with greater self-esteem and is an indication of well-being. 

Gratitude enhances empathy. Grateful people are more likely to behave in a prosocial manner, even when others behave less kindly, according to a 2012 study by the University of Kentucky. Participants who ranked higher on gratitude scales were less likely to seek revenge against others, even when given negative feedback. They experienced more sensitivity and empathy toward other people and a decreased desire to retaliate.

Grateful people sleep better. Writing in a gratitude journal improves sleep, according to a 2011 study published in Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being. The study revealed that spending 5 minutes making a gratitude list before bed aids in sleeping better and longer. When you cultivate gratitude throughout the day, you're more likely to have positive thoughts as you're drifting off to sleep. Rather than obsessing over the friend who forgot to call, you think about the coworker who stayed late to help you. Instead of obsessing over bills, you thinking of the new client you just landed. With a grateful heart, you're more likely to drift off into a peaceful slumber.

Gratitude improves self-esteem. A 2014 study published in the Journal of Applied Sport Psychology found that gratitude increased self-esteem. Other studies have shown that gratitude reduces social comparisons. Rather than becoming resentful toward people who have more money or better jobs—a major factor in reduced self-esteem—grateful people are able to appreciate other people’s accomplishments.

Gratitude increases mental fortitude. Gratitude not only reduces stress, but it may also play a major role in overcoming trauma. One study found that gratitude was a major contributor to resilience following the terrorist attacks on September 11. Recognizing all that you have to be thankful for — even during the worst times — promotes adaptability and flexibility.

Try this:

• Once a day. Every evening, jot down 5-10 things from that day for which you're thankful. You might consider downloading a gratitude journal app to your phone.

• Once a week. Give a polite "thank you" when someone holds the door is fine. But now and then, give fuller expression to your appreciation. Take a few minutes to tell someone just how much a kindness has meant to you.

• Once a month. Write a letter thanking someone whose generosity has made a difference in your life. Sending it by email or postal mail is okay, but hand-delivery is always better.

I'll leave you with a story from my life. 

Many years ago, I had a lady who was a mentor to me. I complained to her constantly about how nothing was right in my life. My job was terrible, my kids were acting out, and my husband was worthless when it came to helping around the house. 

One day, she told me that I needed to become grateful. I replied, "Grateful for what?" 

She gave me a strong suggestion: "Every day, I want you to say "Thank you for..." everything I touched. From the bed I woke up in, to the toothbrush I brushed my teeth with. She told me to find something to be grateful for about my children and my husband no matter how small. AND - she suggested I say thank you to everyone that crossed my path.  She grave me a journal to write down all of the things I was grateful for. 

I was amazed at the end of the second week, how much I had to be grateful for. I felt better. My family noticed the difference as well. As my appreciation for my family grew, the more they were available to help. 

AND I felt better about myself. I was no longer comparing my life to the lives of others and what they had that I didn't. What I had was enough. And I was enough. 

I challenge you to do the same!