Self-Love Masterclass #18

​I had a lofty goal last month to do 28 days of self love. And here it is - March 12, 2022. I had good intentions I swear! And daily blogging is more difficult than I thought! 

I decided for this blog, I will tell the backstory of my passion for self-love and self-acceptance, as well as self-forgiveness, self-compassion, and self patience. 

I grew up in a dysfunctional family. I didn’t know it was dysfunctional until I was older and realized other families didn’t act like mine. My dad was a “functioning” alcoholic. My mom was his enabler. I had 4 brothers all younger than I. We moved at least once a year until I was 16. I didn’t go to the same school two years in a row. My brothers were my best friends. There was a lot of physical, emotional and sexual abuse in our home. No one talked about any of it. 

I learned a lot of untrue beliefs that became survival skills:

1. I am not whole without a man.

2. I can get what I want by using my body

3. Put everyone else before myself

4. Sacrifice my life for my children

5. Women are not as important as men

This is how I lived my life from young adulthood until I was 50. There was something jarring about turning 50. My kids were grown and with their spouses. I was a widow - twice. I had a college degree, a successful outpatient substance abuse clinic, and lots of friends. Yet I was still unhappy. 

I didn’t like me. When I looked in the mirror, it was with disgust. And on the outside, I looked successful and confident. 

So began my journey of learning to love me. I ended a relationship with a guy I had been dating for 5 years. I moved in with my oldest son until I could find my own place. I bought my own car for the first time. And 3 months later moved into my apartment. It was the best thing I’d ever done. I got a pet - my cat named Lucy. 

I set out to become my own best friend. I slowly decorated my apartment the way I wanted. Without anyone else’s input. I began “dating” myself. I went to dinner alone. Went to the movies alone. I spent time with my grandchildren, going bowling, going to the local parks. And for the first time, I felt free. I told my inner critic to take a hike. My inner critic was telling me that it was all temporary. That I needed a man. That I couldn’t support myself financially. I told the inner critic to “watch me. I am successful. I can do this. I am an amazingly strong and determined woman.” 

I found something to love about my body every day. I love my feet - they carry me where I need to go. I love my legs. They are strong and shapely. I love my stomach. It provides nutrition to the rest of my body. Life grew in my tummy. I worked out - not to punish myself - but to be stronger and healthier, because I love myself. I love my arms. They give loving hugs. My arms have my hands at the end. My hands are beautiful tools. They feed me, fix my hair, do my makeup, and wash the rest of me. And so it went. 

I went to therapy. I knew it was the key to unloading all the baggage from my family of origin. Therapy was the key to unpacking the baggage to two marriages that ended with my husbands dying. One from and overdose and one from lung cancer. 

Living alone for a year without dating or even having sex with another person was the best thing I did. Every day I felt stronger. More confident. I unpacked those untrue beliefs that’s held me back from my own potential.   

The inner critic is still here with me, but my positive self is louder. I no longer give my inner critic a voice. I give my positive self the voice. 

My mother was my biggest supporter. My personal cheerleader. The person who believed in me before I could believe in me. And I learned that I am that person too. I am my biggest cheerleader. I believe in me today. I am my biggest supporter. No one is responsible for me but me. 

I don’t need another person to save me or support me today. I am saving myself. I am loving myself. I started a new business- a boudoir photography business. Deeliteful Photography LLC. I am determined to succeed. Whatever that looks like for me. I accept failure as a part of success. Learning is success. 

My journey to self love has not been linear, but more peeling of the layers to get to the core of who I am. Sometimes, I’m sad that it took me 50 years to start the journey. And here I am continuing and leading by example. My goal is to show others that self love is important. Vital. Life-saving. And self love is a necessity,  as much as food and water are to live. 

I will leave you with some quotes from author and podcaster Glennon Doyle. Her book, Untamed, has changed my life forever! 

Please leave me a comment. Tell me about your journey to self love.