Self Love Masterclass #17

 Self-love and self-esteem are often damaged and deteriorated when we compromise our personal values – our core values.

When I compromise my values and principles, it's like a punch in the gut – from the inside. Self-loathing increases when we stop living by what we believe and stand for.

When we live by our values and principles, it increases self worth and ultimately, is a sign of self-love. It sends a message to myself and others that says, “I stand for what I believe.” This increases confidence and increases respect from others. When we compromise our values we slowly stop respecting ourselves.

If I value honesty, but call in sick to work when I'm not sick – I decrease my self-respect. My inner critic starts reminding me that I am a liar.

If I value trust, but I can't be trusted, then I compromise my values and my self-worth starts to crumble.

If I value respect, but I abuse my body and treat myself and others disrespectfully, my self-confidence will decrease bit by bit.

AND when I compromise my values – I will attract the same type of people as friends and mates.

Here are some steps to get back to living by your values and principles.

Step 1: Make a list of your values and principles – what do you value?

If you have a hard time figuring that out, think of things in your life that make you happy. What principles do you stand for? Do you value family? Do you value honesty? Do you value friendships? Support? Encouragement?

What are the commonalities?

For me, the important things are my family (love), my health, God (spirituality), empowering others (meaningful work), feeling free, alone time, trust, drive, growth, happiness, connection, positivity, authenticity, and adventure.

If you’re having trouble, then do a Google search for a core values list. 

Step 2: Pay Attention to Things that Resurface

Are there things in your life that tend to have similar outcomes?

You may continue picking a particular type of partner.

You may get upset if similar situations arise.

Or you keep quitting and starting a different job.

What you are looking for are instances in your life that you see come up over and over.

With those issues in mind, write down why each situation makes you feel a particular way.

• If you are happy, then what is it about the situation that makes you happy?

• If you are angry, then what is it about the situation that makes you angry?

Focus on keywords.

You will see a pattern and realize that many of your values align with your decision-making process.

I used this process in my journal to understand why I continued to delete friends from my life. I realize that my core values in friendships are trust, loyalty, honesty, not judging or competing with me. Some of my friends did not uphold my personal core values, which often hit a trigger for me and caused our friendship to end. At least now, moving forward, I can be honest about what I need in a friendship and what kind of relationship I need.

Step 3: Rank Your Core Values

Now that you have a list of core values that are important to you, rank them. First separate them into categories and then make one overall ranking list. You may have your top 5-8 that speak to you in relationships, career, etc. Rank those in order of predominance.

What this may look like for career/business:

• Meaningful work

• Flexibility

• Growth

• Environment

• Inventive

• Creativity

Step 4: Define your Core Value List

How defining my core values in life help me make confident decisions and change my life.

• Personal development

• Mental health

• Motivation

• Productivity

• Habits

• Self-help

• Self-improvement

• Get motivated

• Procrastination

• Stop being lazy

• Change your mood

• Positivity

• Willpower

• Self-care

• Life tips

• Advice

Now this is the fun part.

For each word you chose, define what it means to you. There is no way each word can mean the same thing to everyone. Use this step to help with self-discovery and allow the things you write down to manifest into reality.

This section might look like this:

Meaningful work:

• doing something that empowers or impact others positivity
• doing something that makes me feel fulfilled inside
• doing something that allows me to make an impact in the world

Final thoughts: Personal Values

Living by our personal values and principles are a powerful way to help build confidence in our decisions, understand ourselves, and simplify life.

I encourage you to use your values list to help you create the future you envision, especially when you don’t know where to start.

If you find that you have been compromising your values and principles, it's time to make a change. This can be overwhelming. Pick one value/principle and start the change with 1. Work on one value for 30 days. When you feel you are being and living true to that one value/principle, choose another.

The process may be slow, but it's about progress not perfection. This is a lifelong process. Our values can change as we age, mature, and progress through life.

If you need any help with this, please email me @ deelitefulboudoirphotography@gmail.com 

I will help you!

Leave me a comment and let me know if this is helpful.

Thank you!
Dyanne